Read This When Life Seems Unfair

Why can life appear to be so unfair? How do we deal with being annoyed, frustrated and pessimistic?

This is a recurring problem that everyone from Zen teachers to Stoic philosophers have tried to deal with. In fact, it’s something we all have to deal with each and every day.

You wake up with a packed schedule and a horrible cold. Your bike is stolen. You miss out on a promotion after months of hard work. The man at the supermarket skips the line and to get served before you. No matter how large or small the issue might be, life is filled with moments like these.

What can we learn from these moments and how can we prepare ourselves to deal with them more wisely?

It’s easy to be disappointed

It appears to be quite natural to respond to moments of unfairness with a sense of disappointment. And that’s because it’s easy for us to think like this: it’s our default setting. Without further investigation this kind of thinking is what leads us to complain, moan and fret. Complaining can feel good for a short while, but in the long run, it has a poor return on investment.

By focusing on what we think is negative, we’re missing out on some of the most instructive moments that life has to offer.

Each time we feel like the universe has conspired to work against us, we have an opportunity to learn. Joko Beck describes each moment as a teacher that has arrived at precisely the right moment:

“Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment. This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath. Every moment is the guru.” — Charlotte Joko Beck

But what does this mean? It means that the red light which seems to last forever is an opportunity to practice patience. The obnoxious supervisor is a chance to empathise and forgive. Your addictive behaviour is a chance to learn about your fears and develop strength.

So don’t ask why something is unfair.

Your job is not to correct personal injustices. Your job is to understand what each moment can give you. It’s to search for the guru in this moment and then the next.

It’s hard to practice

Have no doubt, this is easy to write on paper and difficult to practice in the trenches of day to day life. There will be days when you struggle to remember why this is a good idea or even flat out don’t want to. But it is these moments when you have the biggest opportunity to let go and grow.

In life, we are not remembered by the hand we were deal but rather how we choose to play that hand. No moment is right or wrong. Just or unjust. There is only how we choose to view it:

“We forget: In life, it doesn’t matter what happens to you or where you came from. It matters what you do with what happens and what you’ve been given.” — Ryan Holiday

When we’re able to view each day through this lens we are presented not with a series of obstacles each day. We’re given lessons from which we can learn. Struggles through which we can grow.

It’s worth the effort

Why go to all this bother? Well, in short, you’ll be a better person for trying.

Carrying the burden of misfortune is both tiring and limiting. It weighs you down with thoughts that don’t add value to your life. And it stops you from seeing the opportunities every challenge has to offer.

So don’t let yourself carry it for too long. Every obstacle is a lesson in disguise. Each moment is a guru to learn from.

Photo by Luke Stackpoole on Unsplash