I’m at the beach this week. It is my first paid vacation since 1998, and that’s not a typo. I’m celebrating my last spring break with both of my girls home, before my firstborn heads to college this fall. …

This is a chapter from Bodies in the Basement by Aubrey Cole — I’m almost 46 and at this age, pretty much we accept that we are all on a pill, shot, cream or suppository for something or other. Being in healthcare myself, I am a huge fan of modern medicine and I think if your life can be improved by an intervention…

Fighting The Abuser’s Proxy Narrative — Think back to primary school or middle grades. There was that one kid, maybe you, who was targeted. A stronger or more charismatic kid (the bully) would create a totally fictitious story about that kid and recruit a few close “friends” to help give the story credibility. You see, this…

Let’s just call this whole abuse recovery experience exactly what it is: massive suckage. Seems like you no sooner get past one thing and life is looking up, then something else happens to knock you back down. People are so quick with the trite responses like, “Oh, it’ll get better”…

4 Ways to Learn to Love Yourself after Abuse — When I finally got out of my abusive marriage, I was sure about only one thing in life: that I had no idea who I really was. Since this man had taken over my life at age 15, I lost just about everything about me that made me who I…

I based my strategies for coping with my PTSD triggers on the work I did in The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, a resource I still recommend to anyone dealing with PTSD and other high-stress situations. Here are five life-changing lessons I got from this book. #1. Grounding Is An Incredible Tool If You Will Use It This is the process…

Victim Blaming and No Contact — If you’re reading this and don’t know what No Contact is, or you know what it is but think it’s something childish or vindictive, let’s just clarify out of the gate what No Contact (NC) really means: No Contact is a process by which the target of abuse completely removes…

Healing from abuse of any kind is best accomplished by understanding and allowing your emotions — without getting stuck in a cycle of emotion. Seems like a simple enough concept, but those of us who have been down this road know it’s far easier to just eat, sleep, work, shop…

This is a chapter from Bodies in the Basement by Aubrey Cole — I’ve written about this topic before but I have some more insights to share about the physical and psychological effects of abuse over time. I have been reading Dr. …