9 reasons i did not call

I thought you would.

I did not want to start something I could not finish, ignite a fire I could not put out.

It felt important — at the time — that I continued to fight the urge to call a boy who wasn’t mine if my only question was “why not?”

As I composed your phone number from memory, I noticed that three sixes followed one another and I believe in signs

It’s so unfortunate knowing with intimate detail the kind of loving you’d like to receive and also knowing that there’s no cellular network strong enough to make it within your reach.

My best friend used to say that you haven’t met love until you’ve lived through unrequited love; wanting and not being wanted, giving with no chance of receiving. Every other form of love was easy, she said. This, you had to fight for. Go to war for. Not calling and I was finally a fighter.

My favorite part of the day became night; when I could finally slip between my sheets, my body refreshed, my mind at ease, and dream of you.

My dreams of you and my ideas of us are loaded with precision. I’d call you, you’d ruin it.

I really thought you would.

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