Fixes to iteration 1:
To improve readability, I broke up the first paragraph and increased the leading to a more comfortable length. The paragraphs feel disconnected here, and changing the line height to line spacing ratio helped. I also removed the unnecessary black margins above and below the image to make it fit more into the spread. Then I changed the tracking slightly on the second page, to avoid having awkward, much longer line widths than the line widths surrounding it.