—JOB POST AS IT APPEARED ON CRAIGSLIST—

“The Big Horn Hotel, P.O. Box 851, Watson Lake Y.T., Y0A 1C0, needs full time reliable room attendants to clean and prepare rooms for guests .

Experience is not required. Wage: $15.03/hr.

Mail, drop-off or fax resume.”

—THE EMAIL I SENT—

Hello Big Horn Hotel!

I don’t have direct hotel cleaning/preparation experience, but my dad told me in 1975, “If you don’t clean up this g’damn mess, you can forget going to Donald’s to ride motorcycles!”

Nobody was gonna take away my trip to Donald’s. I cleaned that shit up, pronto. Then headed to Donald’s, where we rode motorcycles for about ten minutes, then headed into his bedroom for something far more entertaining:

Making crank phone calls to Mason Lanes bowling alley.

Our Most Popular Crank Call

Bowling Alley man: Thank you for calling Mason Lanes. How may I help you?

Me: Yeah, do you carry 16 pound balls?

Bowling Alley man: Yes we do.

Me: How do you walk?

LOL!

I promise not to make any crank calls while preparing rooms.

Anyway. Just wanted to let you know that I’m pretty good on the phone. I’m also incredibly reliable and like fishsticks. If you include fishsticks as part of my $15.03 wage, I will happily work for just $15.02/hr.

Just One Thing

Is your hotel really inside a P.O. Box?

If so, how do you walk?

LOL!

I’d stop by, by I have no fucking idea where Watson Lake Y.T., Y0A 1C0 is.

Write back quickly before I accept an offer to work for a company endorsed by Donald Trump.

auGi