The Heart is Not Just an Organ: Only Pursue Goals Emerging From the Inside, Not the Outside
“I want to be a doctor”, “I want to be a millionaire”, “I want a Ferrari”, “I want to be an entrepreneur”…
All of these goals sound great on paper. But are you sure, they are truly yours?
“What do you mean ‘mine’?”
Well, is this what you want deep down? Or is it what you think you should want based on what society, your mom, your partner or whoever told you so?
Take a pause. Sit down. Close your eyes and seriously ask yourself the following question: is this goal coming from the depth of my heart?
“You are talking nonsense”
Really? I guess it’s your brain talking. Have you asked your heart?
“Ok. I have had enough of this, I am gonna move on.”
Well, if you are skeptical, I fully understand. It reminds me of the version of myself from 10 years ago. Very rational, dismissive of anything that sounds a bit “whoo-hoo” and proud of it.
Since then, I have been in many rabbit holes and I can tell you my previous self was blind to 50% of reality.
If you decide not to continue reading this, well it is fine, it means you are not ready to expand your consciousness. I wish you the best.
However, if your heart can resonate with this intro and you are ready to give me a few minutes, I’ll show you:
- Science says there is an actual brain in your heart
- The brain is just a tool (and bad at making important life decisions including setting goals)
- The symptoms of a goal that doesn’t belong to you
- The art of listening to your heart (to unveil goals that really belong to you)
- Bonus: Know yourself to achieve heart-mind coherence (and limit the noise from your brain)
Science says there is a brain in your heart
I used to think the worst piece of advice was:
“Just listen to your heart, and you’ll be fine”
Why do we say that? Isn’t the heart just an organ serving as a pump to circulate the blood?
Why do we use this organ in so many other idioms unrelated to anatomy or medicine: heartache, have a change of heart, follow your heart, heart to heart, half-hearted, eat your heart out, from the bottom of my heart, have a heart of gold, have a heart of stone etc.?
Well, in his book (there is also a movie you can watch on Gaia) ‘The power of the heart”, Baptist de Pape unveils spiritual and scientific insights showing the heart is much more than an organ. It has its own intelligence and powers (like intuition, intention, gratitude, forgiveness, resilience, love etc.) that can be activated through mindfulness exercises.
In 1991, a group of researchers found the heart contains around 40000 neurons called sensory neurites. This neural network is usually referred to as “the little brain in the heart”. The heart can communicate to the brain via multiple mechanisms, including the vagus nerve which connects the brain to many other organs. It seems the heart sends more information to the brain than the contrary.
What does it really mean? Well, your heart might have more wisdom to share with you than you thought.
The brain is just a tool (speaking from experience)
For the very rational people out there who believe their brain is the greatest thing ever created, I hope you will consider opening your ears to your heart.
The brain is not meant to make important life decisions or set goals. For sure, It is a great tool to get there: strategising, problem solving, creativity etc. But that’s it.
With my background in math, engineering and computer science, I know exactly what I am talking about.
For a long time, I have been making decisions mostly based on what makes the most logical sense.
Luckily, through trial and error (and a few experiences with psychedelics), I eventually started to understand I was looking at all the aspects of life as nails, and my brain was the hammer.
When I shifted to using the brain just as a simple tool, and relied on my intuition to guide me through life, more synchronicities started to happen. I know it is really hard to comprehend for left-brain thinkers, at least it was for me.
A good example is how my relationship started.
I was introduced to her by a friend, and throughout a year of friendship we became gradually closer and started to have more and more friends in common.
While my heart was increasingly telling me “hey buddy, I think she is actually right for you”, my brain was giving me dozens of reasons not to do anything (“what if it doesn’t work out? That would end a beautiful friendship”, “what about our group of friends? Isn’t that going to break the dynamic?”, “are you really sure?”, “there are so many options out there, why take such a risk?” etc.).
Because I had already started to understand the magic of listening to the heart, I made a move and this is now the best relationship I have ever had.
If it doesn’t make any sense for you yet, here is a simple homework for you. Spend less time in your head and try making more decisions based on your intuition and what your heart is telling you for the next 2 weeks. In particular, pay more attention to the sensations in your chest area. If it feels good, go for it even if it doesn’t make sense. If it feels off, get out of the situation even if it goes against logic.
If you notice a difference in the quality of your life, please do share in the comment section.
Of course, the idea is not to start putting yourself at risk or sabotaging yourself by being fully irrational and delusional. As Alfred Adler said:
“Follow your heart but take your brain with you”
The symptoms of a goal that doesn’t belong to you
Be careful with choosing a goal out of negative emotions like fear, envy, anger, pride or despair. Even though these emotions are sometimes the symptoms of a situation that needs to be changed and can serve as motivation, they are also often the result of traumas or emotional triggers.
Let’s illustrate this with a classic example.
Let’s say you set-up a big goal like “becoming a millionaire”.
Spend some time alone reflecting on what is the driving force.
Is it because of a fear of lack you developed while growing up in a poor family? Is it to prove your worth to someone (your dad, your ex, your bully etc.)?
Because your ego is there to protect you, you might not even be able to identify the true reason. Most likely you will justify the goal with a rationale meticulously crafted by your mind.
“I want to become a millionaire so that I can be financially free and be able to do what I love”
Technically, you don’t need to be a millionaire to be financially free. You just need to generate enough passive income to support all your needs and hobbies. In 2022, CNBC reported American would need 122k USD a year to feel financially healthy, which is around 10k per month. So most of you would just need to earn 10k USD in passive income each month to be financially free. This would not make you a millionaire, but you would get financial freedom.
Besides, if you already know what you love, what prevents you from doing it right now. Why do you need to first become a millionaire? Is it because what you love would not pay the bills? Are you really sure about that? Did you consider all the options?
So think again: why do you want to become a millionaire?
Some of your goals can also be the result of strong conditioning. A childhood friend of mine decided to go to medical school. Both of his parents were doctors. Was it truly his goal or theirs? Well, he quit after the first year. It was extremely hard for him to find the motivation to push through. This is what happens when there is a misalignment between your soul and the goal.
The art of listening to your heart: improve the signal to noise ratio
In “The Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck”, Mark Manson introduces his method for deciding whether to start a relationship with someone (romantic, platonic, professional): the law of fuck yes or no.
Basically, if it is not a fuck yes, it is a no. I believe you should also apply the same principle when it comes to your goals. If your heart is not screaming “fuck yes” to a goal, then it is probably a no.
“But I don’t know how to listen to my heart. How can I learn?”
Well, when it comes to this, we are not all equal. Some people have always been in tune with their heart. They know exactly what is good for them, and they pursue it without any second thoughts.
Take my sister, she knew since she was a kid she wanted to become a doctor. She is now in medical school and she is having the time of her life. I have never seen someone take so much pleasure studying. You see how it contrasts with the childhood friend I mentioned earlier?
Others have more difficulties. Usually because they lost the ability in the process of turning into an adult. This can be due to traumas, the recurrent repression of their emotions or their personality type.
I find a concept from electrical engineering called “Signal-to-Noise ratio” to be quite handy here. Bear with me, I’ll explain.
Signal-to-noise ratio (SNR) measures how clear and strong a useful signal is compared to unwanted background noise. Higher SNR means the important stuff is easy to hear or see, while lower SNR means it’s harder due to interference from noise.
What we want to do is increase the SNR of the messages and insights coming from our heart. There are two ways, either we increase the signal, or we reduce the noise. Even better, we should do both.
I have discovered many tools to improve the heart’s SNR and you have probably heard of the most impactful one: meditation.
“Meditation? Again”
You probably keep hearing about this and have never given a try, right? Or you tried but “it doesn’t work for you”.
I have also been there. It’s probably the habit I have struggled the most with. If it is hard for you, it’s completely normal. You are supposed to get better at it.
It is just like the first time you are trying to do push-ups. To get better and build the body you dream of, it takes consistent practice and discipline. The same way you don’t get muscles overnight, you can’t be good at meditation overnight.
Your mind is like a monkey that keeps jumping around. Meditation is not about “not thinking”, it is about looking at your thoughts without judgment and letting them go away.
If you are doing it well enough you might then fall in a state between being awake and being asleep where powerful insights from your heart can emerge. The type of insights or “aha moments” that you sometimes have when you are taking a shower, or having a walk.
Overtime, it will increase your ability to be in the present and not be overwhelmed by noisy thoughts.
A good sign you have a great SNR is that you clearly feel sensations in your heart when faced with an idea, or a thought. If an idea or goal “feels good in your heart” it is probably good for you, aligned with you. If it feels bad, then it might not be yours.
Do not confuse “listening to the heart” with “following your emotions”. It is not the same thing. Emotions are not always reliable since they can be the product of traumas or conditioning which are shaped by external factors.
Bonus: Know thyself and achieve heart-mind coherence
If you are struggling to “listen to your heart” and tell the difference between a goal that is aligned with you versus one that is not, it’s probably the sign you need to do further self-development and soul searching to gain clarity.
A better understanding of yourself, your natural strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes can definitely be useful in fine-tuning that sense of “this is for me VS this isn’t for me”.
If you want to better know yourself and don’t really know where to start, checkout this newsletter where I share two complementary personality tests (including the most scientifically validated personality test):
“Why learn about myself if the heart already has all the answers?”
Well, we have thousands of thoughts everyday. Many of them are the results of what we heard from the external world (from the news, friends, family etc.). Not all of them are good for us, and not all of them are aligned with us.
Since it is not easy to not listen to these thoughts, if you are not consciously (I would even say “cognitively”) aware of who you are at your core you are at risk of not going after a dream that your heart really craves because of a thought that actually does not belong to you.
The story of Paulo Coelho, the author of the best seller “The Alchemist” illustrates what I am talking about really well. As a teenager in Brazil, he wanted to become a writer. He told his mother who replied:
“My dear, your father is an engineer. He’s a logical, reasonable man with a very clear vision of the world. Do you actually know what it means to be a writer?”
Clearly she was not delighted.
After a few years of opposing his parents’ point of view, he eventually decided to listen to them, abandoned his dream and went to law school. One year later, he dropped out.
After years of traveling, he came back to Brazil and started a career as a songwriter. Even though he was relatively successful, he didn’t feel fulfilled. It was only when he was 35 years old that he published his first book which didn’t have much of an impact. He published his most notorious book to this day (150 millions copies sold!!), “The Alchemist”, at the age of 41.
His heart already knew what was good for him. Listening to others only delayed his success. And I am not talking about financial success. But the success of waking up every day living off his passion.
Conclusion
Going after goals and dreams can require tremendous amounts of energy, time and sacrifices.
Life is too short for you to be wasting it on goals that do not truly align with you deep down.
Maybe some of us need to make that mistake a couple of times to learn the lesson. But usually, in the process, our heart (or soul) screams to us “this is not for you” in many ways: stress, anxiety, depression, burn-out etc.
When we start to listen we end-up following goals that create excitation, joy, love and peace in us.
However, for many of us, years of repeating the same mistakes and doing inner work are needed to finally start listening. And the majority will probably never do.
If you are not there yet, I hope this article will be a catalyst that pushes you into the journey of stirring your life in a way that better align with your soul.
