Introducing Auntie Horst —
Or: The Journey of two silly birds
How two women in their thirties ended up making very different mid-life decisions and what it means for them individually, their womanhood and their friendship.
What a time to be alive! It’s 2023, the supermarket shelves are stacked with exciting vegan products, that our straight edge boyfriends of 15 years ago could only have dreamed about, climate change is on the rise regardlessly and feminism is a thing of the past since men and women are equals at last.
Hold on a minute … Actually, women’s rights — you know, the thing we’ve been fighting for since, well, ever — are on the decline. On June 24th, 2022, the US Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, ending 50 years of abortion rights in the US, followed by many states putting up strict anti-abortion laws or outright bans. But let’s not just focus on the obvious in America. All over the world many young people seem to be drawn to traditional ideas and lifestyles — a movement that found one of its stranger peaks in TikTok’s “Stay-at-home-girlfriend” trend.
It is the time of activists who glue themselves onto streets or throw tomato soup at famous paintings, the time of Greta Thunberg, and the time of the Russian invasion into Ukraine.
It is in these times that one of us has embarked on the journey of becoming a mother and the other has decided to never have children at all.
It is a time of life and death — but more on that later.
This blog is from now on home to two women’s thoughts, dreams, fears, and the occasional vegan lasagna recipe.
We are H, an actress, singer and a photographer and A, a writer, set and costume designer, and we met nine (!! OMG, has it been so long already?!!) years ago. The man who introduced us is not a part of either of our lives anymore — thank the gods for that — and yet, he will be thanked for this good deed forever.
H always knew she was gonna be a mom. Having a dreamy pregnancy, wearing flowy dresses and finding morning sickness a cute perk — not bothersome, cause it comes from love.
But with the positive pregnancy test (or rather with the three positive pregnancy tests) shit got real and it became a matter of life and death. The death of her old life. And the birth of a new one: a new role, a new purpose, a whole new body, new routines, challenges and experiences. That’s a lot and it‘s scary shit. In the beginning, instead of joy there was sadness, farewell pain and sheer panic.
A always thought she would be a mom eventually. As a kid and until her early twenties it seemed to be the natural thing to want children “sometime along the way”. But sometime never came. Instead the older she got, the more she started doubting the idea, that having kids was something she actually, really wanted. At first it comes as a big surprise to most people, because, you have to know, that A is a very motherly person, who loves to take care of stuff: friends, boyfriends, pets, nieces and nephews, stepchildren — and she’s good at it too. ’10 out of 10, a stepmom that I would recommend.’
But the thing is, A also knows that she lacks a skill, good parents need: setting boundaries. Not in a parenting kind of way though, getting the kids to bed at 9pm without tears? No problem. But setting boundaries for herself, getting the me-time that she needs, saying no when she always says yes, or saying yes, when she really should say no. Trying to fix everyone else’s problems but hers. Being her own good parent. Yeah, A really sucks at that. She can picture herself as a great mom, a great miserable mom, who falls into bed at night, tinnitus buzzing, and asking herself: “Who the fuck am I actually?”
For the past 10 years A has always answered the (it seems inevitable) question about kids with “definitely not at the moment”. And sometime along the way “definitely not at the moment” became “definitely not ever”.
There are a bunch of reasons, why she doesn’t want children of her own, but we’ll cover that in another blog post. For now we’ll focus on the decision they led her to: getting her tubes cut and answering the question about kids once and for all.
This is where we find ourselves right now. Two friends with the utmost love and respect for each other, who try to navigate their respective versions of adulthood, womanhood and self-fulfillment.
We don’t claim that we have the answer to any of the questions that we, or people who find themselves in similar life stages, might encounter, but we’re convinced that it’s important to talk about it. To acknowledge that a woman is not defined by her life choices and that a mother is allowed to be a human being as well.
We will share our thoughts, the things that keep us going, our hopes and dreams and the before mentioned lasagna recipe — trust us, it’s delish!
People out there, who struggle with their own journey into this weird adult thing (Hey fellow millennials, we see you!) should know that they aren’t alone. Your irrational fears and lack of social skills aren’t that uncommon, and everybody hits the wall at some point or another. We’re here to pick you up, to tell you it’s okay and that we feel the same, amuse you with our own quirks and insecurities, and give you hope … that tomorrow … maybe … you’ll find the courage to make that intimidating phone call to the insurance company, which you’ve been putting off for the past 3 weeks.
We’re going to tell you about our journey to being comfortable with our lives and choices and about the things we might come to regret along the way, about building a nest for ourselves and our families, about swelling breasts, about relationships building and changing.
Hopefully you’ll laugh with us, cry with us and now and again gain an impulse for your own journey.
Join us for our weekly updates and now — since you must be famished, here’s the recipe:
Vegan Lasagna | serves 4
For the filling:
- 5 tbsp olive oil
- 2 small onions or 1 big onion
- 2 garlic cloves
- 1 big carrot
- 1 piece of celery root (abt 150 grams)
- 500 grams of vegan ground beef
(You can also use soy granules, just be sure to soak them in a mix of vegetable broth and soy sauce for 10 minutes, and thoroughly rinse them before frying. Lentils also work if you’re not a fan of meat substitutes — those need to be cooked beforehand.)
- 2 tbsp tomato paste
- 1 can of ground tomatoes
- 300 ml vegetable broth
- 1 tbsp maple sirup
- Parsley to taste
- Salt & pepper to taste
For the béchamel sauce:
- 30 grams Butter
- 2 heaped tbsp all-purpose flour
- 700 ml oat milk (or other plant-based milk)
- A pinch of nutmeg
- 3 tsp broth seasoning
- 2 tbsp nutritional yeast
- 1 tsp garlic powder
Also:
- 1 pack no-boil lasagna noodles
- 1 pack vegan pizza cheese
Preparation:
Finely chop the onions and the garlic cloves. Cut the carrot and celery into tiny cubes (approx. 5x5 mm). Prepare your vegetable broth and chop the parsley (dried parsley is also fine).
Cooking:
Preheat a large skillet on high heat. Then add the olive oil and onions. Turn down to medium heat and fry the onion cubes until translucent. Add your vegan ground beef and cook for 10 minutes, stirring every couple of minutes (you need to grind the meat down with your spatula otherwise you have huge meat-chunks), until it gets a nice texture. Then add the carrot and celery cubes as well as the garlic and cook for another 10 minutes, repeatedly stirring. Mix in the tomato paste and make sure it blends nicely with the other ingredients. Then add the canned ground tomatoes and vegetable stock. Stir until everything is combined, then add parsley, salt and pepper to taste (if you like it hot, some chili oil is also a nice twist). Set aside.
For the béchamel sauce make sure to have all your ingredients ready at hand, because you’ll need to work quickly while constantly stirring.
Melt the butter in a small pot on medium-high heat. Add the flour and stir with a wisk. Let the mix cook for a couple of minutes, constantly stirring to avoid it sticking to the bottom. Add the milk and keep stirring to avoid clumps. Add broth seasoning, nutmeg, nutritional yeast and garlic powder (and keep stirring). As soon as the mixture begins to bubble it should thicken up quickly. You can remove the pot from the heat now and relax. Make sure to give it a little stir though every 5 minutes to keep it nice and creamy. If the mix gets too thick just add a little milk. If it’s too runny you’ll need to make another roux and bring the béchamel to a boil again.
Layering:
Spread a 1 cm layer of béchamel sauce evenly over the bottom of a medium sized baking dish.
Cover with a layer of lasagna noodles — don’t let them overlap. If you need to fill sides or corners break a noodle apart and to some puzzle-work.
Cover the noodles with another thin layer of béchamel sauce.
Top with a thicker layer of your filling.
Now add another layer of lasagna noodles. Cover the noodles with a thin layer of béchamel sauce. Top with a thicker layer of your filling … and so on until your dish is approx. ¾ full.
Top your last layer of noodles with a more generous layer of béchamel sauce, then sprinkle with your favorite vegan cheese.
Bake in the oven at 210° for about 45 minutes until the cheese melts and gets a nice color. The lasagna will be steaming and slightly bubbling in the corners.
When it’s ready remove it from the oven and let it cool down for about 15 minutes to a reasonable temperature.
Enjoy!
