That book I never finished reading

Yesterday, I had a burning desire to read some fiction. This doesn’t happen to me that often any more, sadly. But, I did go to my bookshelf and stare for several minutes looking for something to satisfy the itch. Ah, there it is — “The Marriage Plot” by Jeffrey Eugenides. I never finished reading that one! I bought it soon after it came out in 2011 and it’s been sitting there for 5 years.

I sat down with my iced coffee in the office room comfy chair and began.

Ahh yes, girl graduating from college, english major, I can identify with that. She goes to Brown — okay, I once visited Providence to see someone I was dating who went to Brown. She’s dabbling in Semiotics and feels intrigued, intimidated, disgusted by the students and professors in those classes. And, lusting after a boy that clearly has emotional problems. Ugh, this is a little too real. It’s still less than 1o years ago that I was sitting in those Cultural Studies and Comparative Literature classes at the University of Minnesota thinking — these people are smarter than me, they are so deep and insightful about their pain, with their cigarettes, black clothes and coffee. Except at that time, I don’t think I even had the emotional experience to see through that fucking facade.

I spent so many years trying to be something I’m not. I never quite fit in that world and the times that I did fit, were the times when I was the least healthy (physically and emotionally).

I do envy those people, my husband one of them, who seemed to have such a fantastic time in college. I once asked my husband if he missed college and he said yes. I, certainly, would never say that I miss that time in my life. I’m glad I went through it. I’m grateful for how it’s informed my life. But, I certainly would never want to be back in that spot again.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of those who seemed to have such a uncomplicated process of growing up. For me, it was fucking hard and emotionally scarring.

Now, I know why I didn’t finish reading this book 5 years ago.

Maybe, I can finish it now.