Making Sense Of Gay As Choice

I have a question I never got a very satisfying answer to, which morphed into am idea which I think sounds plausible. I’ve been thinking about it for some years, actually.

The question is, how the hell can people think being homosexual is a choice? Since when does anyone chose their sexuality? As far as I know, at some point in your life when your age hits double digits and you’re just going about your day, minding your own business you see something or someone and sexual attraction just hits you over the head and overwhelms you. And then, once you figure out you’re not about to get sick, you realize. “Oh, this is what makes me horny”

I thought that’s how it goes for everyone. The idea it’s a lifestyle and a choice has always sounded so strange, so completely out there, that I wondered for a long time how it could ever get as much traction as it has. My mind kept saying “THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE”

Not making sense is one sure way for a thing to take up a lot of space in my mind in some attempt to make sense of it anyway. Here’s what I came up with.

Me not making sense of the idea that gay could be a choice was part of the answer to me. The way I described above, is how it happened to me. And I became aware, because that’s how it happened to me, I went on the assumption that’s how it happens to everybody. That this is the ‘normal way’ people discover their sexuality. It’s a sort of confirmation bias: people assume their experience and their conclusions will be the same as for everyone else. This is wrong, but even if you know it’s wrong, it still feels right.

That realization got me thinking. What if, for the people who really believe in the gay is a choice idea -not the bigots who are parroting a line because it sounds good, but those who honestly think it is- sexuality is a choice.

Before anyone gets offended, think about this a moment. Experts are claiming sexuality is much more fluid than we think. They say bisexuality is much more common than we admit to. So what if, for the choice-people, they experience attraction to both sexes and made the choice to only acknowledge and act on the attraction they feel for the opposite sex?

And going by the bias that because you experience something one way, everyone else does as well, they are assuming that everyone who identifies as gay is making the choice to only acknowledge and act on their attraction to the same sex. Which they have labeled as the ‘wrong’ choice because, reasons.

And this, to them totally reasonable idea, then got picked up by people looking for an excuse for their bias and the gay as a choice dialogue was born.

This, to me, sounds possible. The problem (for lack of a better word) with this is that by this reasoning the gay as a choice idea is not completely wrong. It means that for at least some people, their sexuality is indeed a choice *. This might be one of the reasons that now that the idea is out there, it’s so damned hard to fight. There’s a group of people who can’t be persuaded to get rid of the idea because it feels right to them. Which means that what we should be fighting, isn’t the idea that it is a choice, but the idea there’s a right and wrong choice. And that is probably much harder to do than to just write them off as idiots who lost touch with reality.

*Side note, I would dare say that in this group of people the majority is making the choice to be straight, not gay. Just looking at all the shit gay people have to go through, you’d have to be a special kind of masochistic to chose to be gay.

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