My first experience at a Whole Foods went a little bit like this.


In Portland, Maine, the family and I stopped off at the local Whole Foods to check out what everyone seems to rave about. My only prior knowledge of the establishment was the couple of episodes from last season’s South Park, where Whole Foods is portrayed as a foreign, mystical, and exciting place that begs for your donation at the register to help starving children.

Upon entrance I was surprised with how beautiful the store was. Chalkboard signs, wooden crates, fresh flowers, and all the fresh fruit and veggies was displayed on ice! No packaging or extra plastic bags to get in the way of your shopping experience. It felt similar to a farmers market, but inside.

Next came a wall of nuts, powders and dried fruits. Kale powder at $96.68/per lbs was definitely the most fantastic and shocking item in the store.

My brother and I giggled in the health and remedy section, finding strange medication for everything from Hay Fever to runny nose, to the common flu; and even gluten free condoms..? Yoga mats were tucked neatly with the makeup that hadn’t been tested on animals and fresh goat soaps with real sea sponges for the shower.

I was asked 3 times if I needed any help finding whatever I was looking for (I’m still not sure what I was looking for) and it was nice how kind all the worker were.

The best section by far was the bakery and the buffet tables found at the end of my adventure. Fresh bread was cooking in the ovens behind the cheese display, and the crackling and smell was awesome. 20 different kinds of soup, a salad bar, gluten free pizza, and chicken Parmesan all made right in store were impressive too.

All in all, it was pretty cool. I would consider shopping there but they didn’t sell Lucky Charms.