Keep straight, keep moving
Writing on Medium has become more of a retreat as compared to how it was when I started, a time when I kept to the single goal of trying to push out as many posts as I could, to get comfortable with writing. Now, it is a way to siphon the thoughts that constantly echo in the chambers of my mind. The mind — how brilliant it is! I am bewildered with how it generates and takes in so many things. It almost seems infinite. But alas, it is not. Like sexual tension, like an overbrimming cup, it needs to find release.
The most recent thought that I had been battling with is one that is scary as hell, but it has to be faced, alone:
I am my enemy.
When you realise that you alone are the only obstacle for your growth, it is strangely liberating and suffocating at the same time. You know that you have complete control over the situation because it’s all you, but you also know that you cannot receive help because you’re completely alone.
I find myself balancing myself on a tightrope. On the right side lies the false sense of all will be well, and on the left lies self-loathing and loss of hope.
Like I said, it’s a scary thought.
The only way to get out of the tightrope situation is to continue traversing the tightrope. You may stop for a while to stabilise yourself. But pause for too long, and your balance will be shaken further instead. And then you fall.
Letting your fear manifest through inaction is far worse than the new fears that you might need to face through action.
You might be surrounded by total darkness, but keep your eyes fixated on an invisible dot hovering ahead of you and walk towards it.
Once I was lost in a park when I was a kid, and I had no idea how to get out. It was that night I adopted the idea that if you continue moving on a straight trajectory, you gotta hit the perimeter of the park at some point. The key is to keep walking straight.
So at some point, you will reach the end of the tightrope. Just keep straight, and keep moving.
Even if you haven’t reached the end yet, at some point, you would find that you had stopped fearing.
Perhaps when you’re reaching the end, you would even start hearing the calls of your loved ones, those who had been rooting for you to arrive all this while.
Keep straight, keep moving.