Exercise three times per week and find a metal garbage can from the 1960s.

Image Copyright: The Jim Henson Company. (Fair use.)

Exercise three times per week and find a metal garbage can from the 1960s

Drink plant protein shakes and purchase ten pounds of Tibetan Yak Hair in Swamp Mushy Muddy


A military helicopter making my wife swoon and probably get horny is not at all what we agreed to.

Image: U.S. Department of Defense Current Photos via Flickr (Public Domain)


Photo by Ryunosuke Kikuno on Unsplash


It was 3:00 AM on my birthday when Paddington Bear first came to me during sleep paralysis.

Image Copyright: StudioCanal. (Fair Use.)
  1. It was 3:00 AM on my birthday when Paddington Bear first came to me during sleep paralysis. I was glued to my bed in a night sweat, staring at the corner of my bedroom, when he suddenly reared his soft head into my line of sight. “Hey, it’s Paddington,” he said, petting my leg. His eyes darted around as he nervously explained how Paddington 3 was going to be a massive three-way-crossover of the Muppets, Trolls, and Paddington universes, but he hadn’t yet secured the needed funding. …

Austin Adams

NYC writer who has been called “an idiot” by himself and others. Twitter @austiebobosty

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store