10 Hacks to Become a People Person

By Caroline Maguire PCC, Med.
Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed. is a personal coach who works with children who struggle socially and the families who support them. Her groundbreaking book Why Will No One Play With Me? is available everywhere books are sold.
You can find her at carolinemaguireauthor.com
Do you struggle to meet and keep friends? Is the need to be right often causing you problems with relationships? Maybe you share your opinions too much and should hold back a bit more. Not everyone can naturally be a people person. There are many things to consider when interacting with people. So much of what you say and do can be interpreted in a way that you did not intend. Maybe you don’t even realize that you are creating social conflict. So, what do you do?
Realizing the importance of following specific ground rules when communicating is half of the battle to becoming a better people person. It takes time to understand where you might be getting off track. But with a little bit of help and perseverance, you can master what it takes to become more charismatic and ultimately, a better people person.
The following ten hacks will help you on your journey to becoming more socially aware, and therefore, more accepted into the tribe.
1. Become a Social Observer
Most of us want to blend in with people and mirror the way others are behaving in public. To do this requires reading cues from the people around you. To become a social observer, you need to pause and evaluate the situation. Take time to identify whether someone’s body is stiff, relaxed, or even silly. Listen to what people are talking about. Can you build on the conversation?
2. Who is Your Audience?
Giving a presentation or just speaking in front of a group of people can be stressful at times. Ask yourself, “What is my role as a speaker?” “What is my role as a listener?” To be successful, you have to know what information you need to give, and if possible, understand how it will be received. As you go along, monitor the signals that are given from the audience. Watch their facial expressions, speech, and tone, and adjust as needed.
3. Know who People are and Their Underlying Motives
Motives are someone’s reason for taking action, and they are not always obvious. To decode someone’s motives, you will need to learn that person’s personality. Who are they? You will need to step into their shoes and predict what they will do next. When you start to notice specific details or you can consider their past choices, you will be better armed to predict any underlying motives they may have in the future.
4. Friendship Chemistry
Think about the social world. When it comes to navigating the social world, every action has a reaction. If you go into the room and you don’t speak to anyone, you will get an adverse response. If you go into the room and you over share, you can expect people to have a reaction and treat you differently as well. Try to remember to balance the conversation. Be open, but not too open.
5. Ask, Don’t Tell
People like to talk about themselves. When meeting someone for the first time, whether it is in school, or at a work function, show interest in knowing more about the person. Ask questions. When you show interest and attentiveness in someone, they are in turn going to think you are an exciting person as well. It just works that way.
6. Check Your Body Language
Body language can say a lot about a person. Try to have an open and welcoming stance when greeting someone. Would you enjoy talking with someone that was standing with his or her arms crossed, appearing to be bored with your conversation?
7. Take Time to Listen
It is very common to want to jump into a conversation. When a person sees that you are already thinking about what to say, they know you are not listening, which give the impression that you are not really interested. Just sit back and let the other person talk. Be present and in the moment.
8. Watch Your Tone
Your voice matters, and how you project your tone can change the meaning of what you are trying to say. You might want to praise someone by saying, “I can’t believe you did that!” But if you take the wrong tone, it may come across more condescending.
9. When You Enter Any Room Pay Attention
When you enter a space, leave your car, move past the doorway of any place or vehicle, put your game face on and start to notice and think about your social intentions. People often ask how do I remember or cue myself to pay attention- well Alan Brown ADHD Coach and founder of ADD Crusher and I have an answer-look at that doorway and have that be your cue!
10. One Mission
Concentrating on every hack all at once can be overwhelming. Create one objective for yourself such as: remembering your audience, pausing, paying attention to body language, or paying attention to the interests of the speaker. Start small and build your skills over time!
