I don’t know what to do when I’m surrounded by hot men all the time.
Typically, I wake up at three in the morning because Richard will pop up in my dreams. Lately, I’ve been thinking about someone else. In fact, this morning, it wasn’t Richard on my mind, but a whole other creature altogether. It all started with a real-life encounter.

So there I am, going to get some groceries — because I can’t live off of pizza rolls without developing some rolls of my own — and who do I bump into in the elevator but Thomas. He’s the hottie that lives next door. By the looks of it, he is going to the gym. I wave and give him an awkward hello. You’ve seen it before, where I give someone a quick wave of my hand without trying to use too much wrist (because that scares all the straight men in my building into thinking that I’m into them when I’ll I’m doing is saying hi). Anyway, he just smiles and waves back.

We’re both heading down to the lobby when there’s a power outage (I live in an old rusty building — this is normal). Well, it turns out that those hot construction workers down the road had a little accident (everyone’s okay) with the power lines outside. The elevator lurches to a halt and the emergency lights come on.

We just stand there, not knowing what to do for a little bit. Neither of us really want to make any awkward conversation but we know that we’re going to be stuck there for a bit if we don’t do something. As if he was reading my mind, some guy on the intercom beeps into the speaker and tells us that they will get us out as soon as they can and that we are to sit tight for about ten minutes or so.

I don’t normally take my friends’ advice, but he did — once — say that when I feel nervous, I should picture everyone in the room naked, to help ease my anxiety. I’m not sure that it helped in this situation, but it sure did take my mind off of things.

Thomas a nice enough guy but I’m not as interested in his personality as I am in those incredibly toned abs of his. This morning, I could see them under his tight white muscle shirt. I just wanted to rip it off his chest and ravage him right in that elevator. I’m sure that the security guard watching the camera footage wouldn’t mind. As I stand in the elevator with the red emergency lights on, all I can think about is what I would do to him as I push him up against the reflective elevator walls. How I can use the bars all around the elevator for support. How I will make him scream my name. He must feel my gaze on him because he turns to me and gives me an awkward smile. It’s cute and innocent. I want to make him smile for a different reason, but instead, I just offer a cheesy, goofy smile to ease the tension.

Of course, Thomas is as straight as an arrow, so will never happen. I can still dream, though — which is exactly what I did last night.

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