Letter to My Future Husband,

I hate you more than words can describe. You have abandoned me to the world of men who disliked and don’t appreciate women due to their own self-hate and mommy issues. You left me in a world to struggle to survive while living alone and teach myself how to defend myself while living in the second most dangerous city in the state. You left me to my fate late at night when I am lonely but soaking wet from sexual anxiety, frustration and anger. I’ve waited for you since I was twenty-one years old and became ready to open myself up to love, happiness, pain, hard work, and sharing. But you never showed up. Impostors were sent my way as they pretended that they were you, the one who was made just for me. But they left me with a shattered heart, a confused mind and a bitter taste in my mouth. I no longer wait for you with excitement as I did years before. Tearing up with joy at wedding videos on YouTube, pinning beautiful white dresses on Pinterest or going to complimentary wedding cake tastings at bridal expos. I stopped waiting a long time ago. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t sleep around, I barely even date. I just go through life doing me. I don’t expect you to come anytime soon, I don’t think you exist, I no longer pray for you. Why should I pray for a ghost?

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