Autism and Delayed Emotional Processing
Here are some thoughts and realizations about delayed emotional processing after I received a late diagnosis of autism. There are several reasons, I believe, why this occurs.
1. Processing and Thinking Styles of Autistic Individuals
My bottom-up processing style, as opposed to top-down, makes me process situations more slowly and thoroughly. I gather all the details before I come to a conclusion about the big picture. This means that it’s harder to identify how I feel about things.
I also tend to think deeply, logically, and analytically, so sometimes I forget to think about how situations make me feel. Interestingly, though, I am a deeply feeling person, which seems to contradict this thinking style.
2. Overstimulation
Feeling overstimulated is definitely a big reason for my delayed processing. I can’t turn inward and process my emotions because my energy is directed outward, and I’m focused on processing all of the external stimuli. So, I’m stuck in a cycle of processing yesterday today.
3. Alexithymia and Interoception Difficulties
Alexithymia — or difficulty identifying and describing emotions — also applies here, as well as interoception — the body’s ability to sense internal sensations. These two traits are common in autism; they can make emotional regulation more difficult and lead to meltdowns.
My history of masking further complicates this. As a late diagnosed woman who has masked my emotions for much of my life, I’m trying to decipher whether I really have alexithymia or just don’t want to admit how I feel.
4. How We’re Taught to Understand Emotions
Lately, I’ve been thinking that it’s possible some autistic people experience emotions differently from neurotypical people. Just as we have sensitivities and differences in processing sensory input, we could also be the same with emotions.
I know that, personally, my emotions have much more to do with physical sensations than feeling a specific label of emotion (e.g., sad, angry, anxious). For example, I feel an uncomfortable, tingly sensation all over my body before a meltdown.
Since we feel emotions differently, we were never taught to how to identify our emotions and manage them. We only learned about these coping skills through a neurotypical lens. The framework that the world has created does not adequately represent our experiences.
The Effects of Delayed Emotions
Unfortunately, delayed emotional processing is misinterpreted by neurotypical people as a lack of empathy and emotion. It would be a myth to generalize in this manner about the entire autistic community. Although it is possible for autistic people to have low empathy, it is also common for us to have an abundance of empathy that is overwhelming.
When I am overwhelmed by my empathy, I may not respond visibly/externally because I am too focused on the internal sensations and the emotions I’m absorbing from another person. It does not mean that I don’t care.
External vs. Internal Realities
Ultimately, my external appearance does not always reflect my internal reality. This statement not only applies to emotional processing and expression but also to the use of functioning labels. Other people may perceive me as “high-functioning” when, truthfully, I am struggling invisibly and masking my difficulties.
This also applies to the lack of diverse representation in film and TV for the internal experiences of autistic individuals. Most of the media focus on how somebody appears on the outside and how they affect neurotypical people rather than how the autistic person feels. This contributes to the myth that somebody has to “look” autistic to truly be autistic.
Photo by Embrace Autism
