Another Dream — The Girl I Lost And Couldn't Find.

Samantha
Samantha
Jul 28, 2017 · 4 min read

(21st May 2016)

I had another one of those dreams last night. In some ways I think it has things in common with the last dream, but I’m still unsure of what to make of it.

In this dream I was once again with a group of people, although it had nothing to do with the church. We were at a theme park, and we were doing all kinds of things together there.

There was one girl there who I was close to. We were best friends. I didn’t really know any of the other people in the group that well, but this girl and I were close.

At the end of that day we decided to leave, and we planned to return the following day. My friend said that she wanted to bring her elderly relative along, but she was concerned because this relative had dementia. My friend said that sometimes her relative would shout and behave disruptively.

Both myself and other people in the group assured her that it would be okay, and not to worry about it. We told her to bring her relative along, and I tried to reassure her that I would understand and wouldn’t think anything negative if her relative behaved in a strange way, as I myself struggle with things.

We all started to leave. We were walking out of the gates together, and my friend and I were side by side, chatting away. I turned around to say something to her…and she wasn’t there. I looked around, but she was gone.

I was confused and concerned. In fact, I was utterly bewildered. I looked all around me, but I could not see her. I couldn’t see how she could have run away, as I would have been able to see her fleeing. I wondered if she had been abducted, but again, I couldn’t see anyone else around.

I wondered if she had actually ran off, and if so, why? I wondered if it was because of her concern about bringing her relative along the following day. Was that the reason why she had left? Had I not taken her concern seriously enough? Did she think we did not care or understand? Had I not shown her enough concern and empathy? Had I failed her as a friend in this matter?

I wanted her to know that I understood and that I cared, that I truly did. I started to wander around, calling out her name. But I couldn’t find her among the crowds of people.

Eventually the people from the group wanted to know whether I was leaving with them or not. They were all ready to go. I had to decide there and then: Would I leave with the group, or stay behind and keep searching for my friend?

I decided to stay and keep searching. I walked back through the gates into the theme park, and I continued to look this way and that. I tried visiting areas we hadn’t been to, but she wasn’t there. I tried retracing our steps, but I still could not find her. All I wanted to know was whether she was okay or not. That was all.

Eventually I found myself at a building with a swimming pool inside. I hate swimming, but I decided to put on a costume and go inside, just to see whether my friend was in there.

I went inside, and there was a swimming group about to start. The man who was running the group seemed pleased to see me there, and he sat next to me and started chatting to me. I talked back politely, but I had absolutely no interest in the swimming group. Plus I hadn’t paid to join the group, and you were supposed to pay before going in. I didn’t want that fact to be found out.

I scanned the groups of people, trying to see if my friend was there, but she wasn’t.

The group was starting, and my only concern then was to somehow get out. I managed to sneak past the man and escape from the building, and I decided to leave the theme park, as it was clear that I wasn’t going to find my friend that day. I decided I would try again the following day.

I found myself walking up a street, and I realised that in my haste to leave I had left my crutch behind. I was walking along okay though. I looked at the people around me, all strangers, and I realised that they would never know that there was anything wrong with my leg. I must have seemed completely normal to them.

However, deep down I knew that I could not keep up the act forever. Eventually my leg would start to hurt, and I would need my crutch. Then they would all know that there was something wrong with me.

I suddenly spotted my mom and younger sister, and I rushed up to them in relief. At least with them I didn’t have to hide or pretend. We went into some shops, and I didn’t have to act with them. I didn’t have to pretend that my leg wasn’t hurting and that it wasn’t getting tired. I didn’t have to pretend that I had no need of a crutch. I knew that I did, and somehow, with not having to act and with being with my mom and sister, it felt like coming home.

I think I woke up at that point. That’s all I can remember of the dream.

Samantha

Written by

Samantha

Hello, my name is Samantha. I decided to start this journal so I have somewhere to store my writings about God, faith, life, and my thoughts and feelings.

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