Thank you for writing this, and for your honesty.
I am well aware of the darkness, sin and evil inside of me. I am aware that I am often drawn to things which are not good for me, things which just feed the darkness within. Sometimes I have fallen into that trap of thinking that as a Christian, I should somehow be magically immune to everything dark, violent, disturbing, etc, that I should somehow be “above” it and disinterested, and that it should have no power over me.
Although I have to say that the closer I get to God, the more repelled I am by certain things, I still unfortunately am not magically immune to the things of this world. We are still fallen creatures, and the sinful nature inside each one of us will still try to gain control.
I found your final paragraph really helpful. It has helped me to think that I am not to try and steer clear of reading/watching/listening to certain things because I am so morally superior and pure, but because those things will feed the darkness within me and deaden the light, which is not what I want.
I hope that has made sense. Again, thank you for your views on this subject and for your honesty.