The Last Lesson from Thich Nhat Hanh Made Me Cry for 5 Days
Since I was 3 years old I’ve wanted to make an impact on the world.
When I really think about it, it was pretty much propaganda by none other than my mom.
I used to say things like:
One day I’m going to be a lawyer. And at night I’ll be a doctor. And we’d live happily in a big mansion. We’d have a big car with our own driver. And I’d end homelessness and world hunger.
And she would cheer me on.
She always told me I was going to be successful. I was going to be somebody.
For better or worse, that stuck with me like a piece of toilet paper on the bottom of my left shoe.
On Thursday I was planning my trip back to the states. I have been influenced by a lot of Thich Nhat Hanh’s (Thay) teaching over the last few months.
I read his books and listen to his words daily.
So I decided to look into the mindfulness retreat at one of the monasteries founded by Thay in the states.
Browsing on their website, I came across a documentary made in honor of his passing two years ago.
I cried for 5 days after watching it.
So many feelings came up. Feelings that took 50+ pages to work through and understand.
Feelings I’m about to share with you.
Thay has helped me more than my own parents in life.
This isn’t me being ungrateful to my own parents. But at one point, we outgrow our parents. We reach a more ripen maturity point as an adult than they did.
A natural process of evolution.
Thay still helps me every day. In every lesson, every mindful step I walk, I can feel him. He is so close and dear to me.
But I often think of him as an abstract figure — like Buddha.
Even though Thay teaches that everyone of us can be a Buddha, it still seems abstract to me. I guess because I don’t know any Buddha in real life.
But when I watched the documentary of his life —
Seeing him in his 20s, like you and I.
Watching him suffer and go through challenges, like you and I
And witnessing his mortality, like you and I one day will
I am suddenly reminded that Thay is you and I.
He is not abstract. He was a person. He lived a life parallel to ours.
He has made the biggest impact on the world. More than anyone ever could.
In comparison to Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb, to Charles Darwin who discovered the double-helix structure of DNA..
Thay’s impact is one that is leading humans not towards civilization, but consciousness.
He has touched millions and left inside each one of them a desire to return home. To take care of themselves and one another.
He did it all through no pursuit other than to find himself.
He didn’t need to learn psychology but he understood every one of our suffering.
He didn’t need to learn writing but his words touched millions of souls.
He didn’t need to learn brand building but he impacted millions of people.
Without a fortune. Without fame. Without any possession to his name.
I will continue to be
But you have to be very careful to see me
I will be a flower, a leaf, or a cloud
I will be in those forms and send you a greeting
If you are aware enough, you will recognize me
And you will be smiling at me
I will be very happy
-Thich Nhat Hanh
For a long time I didn’t know how to make an impact.
My plan has always been to build a lot of wealth and success, so that impact would follow.
Only now do I realize that has been my ego’s clever way of deceiving me into chasing after what it wants.
Like a monkey running after a carrot dressed as a banana.
It’s easy to want money and success. Easy to justify ruining your life chasing after it.
It promises security, respect, prestige and whatever the hell you want to buy.
And that’s all I’ve wanted my whole life.
I didn’t really want to help people. I did, but I wanted it secondary to security, respect and prestige. When I had a million dollars, I didn’t help a single soul. The goal post kept moving up as my purpose kept getting more noble.
Watching his life —
from when he entered the temple at 16
to fighting for peace when our country was at war
to bringing mindfulness practice to the West while in exile
to his final days where he was finally allowed to come back home
I realized…
That
That is a life well-lived.
That is proof that life is a work of art and you are the artist.
He has done it — in the most tasteful way he could have — he has shown us the way.
We, too, can skillfully nourish our lives like a work of art.
He has planted millions of seeds that will continue to grow on his behalf.
And I cried at the realization that I am one of them.
That I don’t have to accomplish anything grand or make any extravagant gestures.
That I no longer have to chase after the stupid carrot-disguised-banana to feel I’m living a meaningful life.
I don’t have to be anybody. I can just be me.
“Human kind has become a very dangerous species. We need people who can sit still, are able to smile, and can walk peacefully in order to save us. In my tradition, it’s said that you are that person. That each of us can be that person”.
I cried and cried.
I’m liberated at last.
Thank you for reading.
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