How (not) to spend your first week in a new role
My first week was shit.
I mean it was shit in every respect. Mental health-wise it was probably the worst this year (not that anyone is keeping track) and work satisfaction-wise it was number 11 on the list of my worst days at work (again, no one is keeping track).
We had three new starters and three people off for half the week (including my boss). What a week to start my new job about which I know absolutely nothing.
I am quite an anxious person and generally don’t like doing things I’ve not done before. No one thought to remind me about this when I decided I’m going to set up a new role from scratch in a company that never even had a data function let alone did any kind of analytics or growth management.
The nerves actually set in on Friday. I nearly cried walking out of the office because everything felt so final, and definitely cried a few times when I got home. It’s not really a justifiable reaction to the end of an unloved career and the start of a very exciting new one, but I never did claim that I was a rational being.
Monday was the worst because I just felt directionless. Where the hell do you even start?!
According to past me, you start by freaking out and downloading a metric tonne of ebooks. Some of them were actually useful, so I stand by that decision. A stand-out was Intercom’s Growth Handbook which is a fantastic resource — real down-to-basics breakdown of growth techniques.
Besides lots of reading, I also reached out to a bunch of people with the same job title and asked them a load of potentially stupid and equally directionless questions. Sorry guys.
One of these people agreed to talk to me, and one actually answered my questions. I’m actually quite chuffed with this result — as an ex-sales person, I’m not used to getting this level of response without months of pestering! Ah, the power of a non sales-related job title… This is probably why management are always so convinced that selling is easy. You fucking try it with a sales person badge against your name. Mmhm.
I digress.
So Monday was anxiety-inducing, Tuesday to be honest was too frantic for words because I was training the new starters, Wednesday I barely remember, and on Thursday we had one person on the phones so I had to jump in and take some calls. On Friday I was close to tears all morning because I felt like I was failing already, but I finally sat down with my boss and we put a solid plan together for the week ahead and I felt a little better.
Amidst all the questions of how my new role is going (which I masterfully avoided), dreams about being fired, and attempts to figure out a starting point, I forgot to moderate my stream of consciousness and catch negative thoughts before they snowball into a full blown meltdown. Which I had on Friday night.
I’m not really much better now, but at least I’m in a place where I can sarcastically muse about how stupid I am. If I was sat across from past me right now, I’d probably be at a loss for what to suggest, besides maybe this:
Dear past me,
You’re doing okay. We both know we will never be able to enjoy this week, because enjoying aimless directionless drifting is not in our nature, but let’s try to hate it a little bit less. Try to peek out of your head from time to time and remember that you’re not the first or last person in this situation, and in fact, chances are that someone somewhere is going to be doing the exact same thing on Monday morning. At least one other person on earth, surely.
Also, you’re going to forget to put your toothbrush on charge on Wednesday evening and won’t remember about it until too late. I don’t understand why we can’t get this toothbrush charging thing right, seriously. Set yourself a reminder or something.
Love,
Your exhausted future self.