Is it Bad to be a People Pleaser?
As Tehyi Hsieh has said, “Lean too much on other people’s approval and it becomes a bed of thorns.” Let’s be honest. We all have tried to become a people pleaser once in our life. Some of us still do. We all are people pleaser to some extent, and that is okay. There is no harm in trying to make everyone comfortable. Wanting to be liked and wanted is a natural human tendency. There is no shame in accepting the fact that you are a people pleaser. It is as natural as wanting shelter and food. It is very usual and relevant to please the ones who are important to us. However, when you try to please everyone, that’s where the trouble starts. In fact, some of the scholars call it a disease. Harriet B. Braiker has called it “the disease to please.” And it can actually make you ill as you desire from everyone to like and love you.
You specifically become afraid of disapproval. You start dreading being criticized. Then you think the safest way to get rid of critical judgment in a friendship or relationship is to please everyone around you. This leads to failure of speaking up your opinions and ideas as you are afraid to get rejected. It also restricts you and does not allow you to be the real person that you are.
Instead of becoming everyone’s favorite you rather become a go-to person for everyone. You become the spare option that nobody wants to become. You will be that person for everyone who will change or mold their plan according to theirs or the one who will always say yes. The label that you might always get from the people around you will be “the one who never says No.” However, as Paolo Coehlo has said: “When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you don’t say ‘no’ to yourself.”
At one point or the other, every one of us has found ourselves in a position of not saying “No” to others. This way become the slaves of the good opinions of others. The only thing which becomes the source of our respect and self-worth is keeping others happy. Sometimes we become so habitual to this that it becomes our lifestyle and we don’t even realize. In the end, we find ourselves all trapped in the materialistic pleasures of life. In the recent times, social media has also played a significant role in this where people strive to have acceptance and love from the virtual reality. Pleasing people on social media has become more important than finding water in a desert these days. Most of us invest a lot of time to establish a self-image for the other people.
Instead, people should invest that time in introspection and improve themselves and be finding their inner bliss. Inside of us lies a beautiful and powerful soul which is capable of doing everything which other human beings can do. Embracing that soul is important than putting others first and being trapped in this never-ending roller coaster ride of self-negligence. People pleasing is a state of mind which is very dangerous. The root of this problem and self-complex is greatly related to the image of us that we want to portray.
After some time, we actually believe that image to our real personality, and we start making efforts in that direction. Finally, we end up finding us in a paradoxical situation which causes nothing but sadness and pain. This vicious slavery creates self-doubt, and the self-esteem shatters immensely. Therefore, pleasing everyone will not give you anything but mental slavery. Let us explore the exact reasons why you should never become a people pleaser:
1. You Stop Loving Yourself
When you start pleasing other people, you neglect yourself all way long. The self becomes least important to you. The self is not at all left after a point when other’s priority becomes your concern.
2. You Are Not Considered Trustworthy
When people observe that you always agree with everyone else’s opinion, they will know that it is well-intentioned. Always saying the ‘right thing’ and agreeing on everything cannot be a coincidence every time.
3. You End Up Becoming Manipulative
A people pleaser usually becomes manipulative being in the company of many people. If he/she has to please someone, they’ll have to become manipulative.
4. You Have Fewer Friends At The End
There is always a fear of rejection that is deeply injected into the people who tries to please everyone. You try to please as many people as you can. Ironically, you end up having fewer friends than you thought.
5. You Attract Fewer People
People usually get attracted to the people who have the strength and capability to present their personality. Individuality is celebrated by humanity these days.
6. You Will Hate Things You Loved
Again this is something that ought to happen with a people pleaser. For example, you enjoyed making smoothies and loved them. Soon you will start making them get appreciation and love from others.
People pleasing is fine to an extent. But beyond a certain point, it becomes poisonous. Read all the points to know on People pleaser.
Originally published at askopinion.com.