A new beginning

Trying to forgive, trying to move on

Avicenna
Avicenna
Jul 24, 2017 · 4 min read

Let me tell you a story about a boy who is not special and somewhat just letting the world flows around him. This boy has done many mistakes, but don’t know why he just gets something better for most people. Lust, power syndrome, over confidence, ignorance, curiosity, self-centric. Those were some mistakes that happened in his almost 25 years living in this universe. Yet, it happens again recently.

A false flag will give you very very regretful decision, better to calm your mind and not to be too excited or frustrated.

Ever felt how you get annoyed with something and you need to find something to run from that frustration? What if you got rejected by someone and got someone else in just a blink of eye? What do you get? A regret in the future. To make it worsen (a masochist, am I?). What if that someone else is your closed friend and you went too far with her but in your deepest heart you are still have feelings and curious with someone else? Absolute despair.

“I think she fits with me, although we have some differences, but we can manage it”.

Reason. Always come with reason. The logically one even it is not. He will explain it to look like a logical or honest one . A true fake. Think she is the one, but rarely spend with her, say he is too busy, but spend his time with friends, chat in group with friend, but rarely chat her, post in social media, but not respond with her post. Does he not love her? It is not like that. He truly loves her. But what is wrong with them? The beginning. A false flag comes and detroys their relationship forever. He knows it very well in very near time in the beginning but he reasons with ‘let us try it first, we can manage it together’. Typical.

The other thing, this false flag makes him to hesitate to make a decision. He is always dislike to end it because it hurts her. In fact, she gets more hurted because his hesitant which will lead to more opportunity to get more false flag and lead it to ruin.

Every good stories need to be ended, also the bad one. Yet, the bad one will be much longer until invisible hand will end it either in a good or may be a bad way.

This boy hesitates to make a decision, so is this false flag still continuing until undecided time period? This is where the invisible hand plays. The girl asks him to end the relationship because her patience is running out. The boy feels not ready yet but in the other side he also feels releases from the burden, but it is just only in the beginning. In the second week, the boy feels so lonely and lose something important. Two options open:

  • Get back again and ask for forgiveness
  • Keep strong and forgive himself.

The first option has been chosen by him yet as you can imagine. The mistakes happened again. Then, he chose option 2, but still it is one of the most difficult task for him. Forgive himself.

The key to get your own happiness is to forgive yourself.

Dreaming her walked away with someone else, laughing, holding hands, chatting, joking. Although he tries his best not to bother with his imagination, if it strikes in the worst time. He will be destroyed and fell down to the deepest of loneliness. Forgiving himself needs to have some requirements. Things to keep busy, and friends. The last one is the most important one. Unluckily, his friends have their own things and he fell to the loneliness.

Karma does exist.

Thinking my friends lot better than her!. Oops rethink it! Once you end your relationship, karma will appear and say hello. Your friend will not be as fun as before. I do not know wht but it happens a lot with me. Many times I will rethink my decision because this happen a lot. Make the process of forgiving myself to be harder and taking lot of energy. Very exhausting. Keep in mind that you want to move out and not repeat the same mistakes.

Do what you want with one condition, clear your mind first.

I do not want to regret it again. I do want to have a dreamy relationship that I do really like her and want her to be the one. Even though, she is not interested to me, I know she kinda runs when I am trying to get closer with her but I do not give up until with my clear mind that I can not move with her. I do not want to run again or reason again. I want to have someone that I think is the perfect one not a substitute.

There is no substitutes in your life. A perfect one does exist.

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