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“Home Improvement Fund” by Jamiesrabbits is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Hey there. Bob Vila here to remind you that fall is just around the corner now, and if you are anything like me, you’ve spent most of the last six months here, standing in your garage late at night, shirtless, acting out your favorite scenes from This Old House with your co-host Homer, an orange Home Depot apron you’ve hung limply from a nail on the wall.

Those old scenes sure got me and Homer nostalgic for some good old fashioned home improvement projects, anything to put our hands to work and our minds at ease. So Homer and I, Bob Vila, have come up with a few modern backyard projects that are sure to increase your property’s value, bolster its curb appeal, land you the envy of the entire cul-de-sac, and might just help you and your family withstand any and all eventual acts of war and nuclear projectiles. …

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“Confederate Soldiers’ Monument, University of N.C., Chapel Hill” by unclibraries_commons is licensed under CC PDM 1.0

I don’t know how it happens. Days will go by, sometimes months, once even a whole year without incident. And then, one day, I wake up and there they are again: hundreds of Confederate war monuments, all crammed beneath my bed where the cat likes to hide and puke.

I don’t know where they come from, or why they’ve chosen my bed to retreat to. But they always have, my whole life. I assumed this was normal, that from time to time, everyone woke up to find Confederate war monuments looking back at them from underneath their beds. I never thought to ask anyone else about their Confederate war monuments, or if they were the same as mine. I had all of the famous ones, and the rare ones too. They all had that sad stone look in their eyes. …


Avery Gregurich

Writer and hell of a lawn mower

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