Tonight.

Something just feels off tonight. And I’m not sure if it’s due to the fact that it’s that ungodly time of the month or it’s just this whole plethora of emotions coming over me. I’m pretty sure it’s both of those reasons.

It’s been ongoing for quite awhile, really. I’d catch myself zoning out on most occasions whenever someone is having a conversation with me. I’ll be there just pretending to listen to what they’re trying to say when really the truth is that my mind is somewhere else. Somewhere distant.

There’s also this constant feeling of uneasiness in my tummy all the damn time. And it’s not that I’m gassy or constipated. Don’t even get me started about this heavy feeling in my chest.

What’s happening to me?

If I really am happy, then why do I feel empty on the inside?

Or is this really just the distance getting to me? It most probably is. Is this how it’s supposed to feel like when the person you’re head over heels for is thousands of miles away from you? I need someone to tell me that it’s okay to feel this way sometimes.

I feel like I’m losing my sanity as days go by.

I’m torn between “who am i kidding?” and “I don’t wanna lose him.”

I miss you. I miss you so much that it feels more like a physical ache. I’ve never been the “whiny and yearns for your attention” type of girl but you bring out this side of me I never even knew existed.

In spite of me wanting you here all the time, I’m really glad we’re at least talking everyday (even if it’s just for 5 minutes or even if it’s two texts at most per day) despite the time difference. Which, have I mentioned takes alottttttt out of you? The fatigue from staying up at night just to catch him for that 5 minutes you’ve been waiting all day for and the confusion of living in whatever time zone he’s in and where you’re currently at (pfft).

But really, this girl just takes whatever time she can get from her man. The best part about all this is that you don’t expect anything, you just let it all surprise you. Even the littlest things can be a surprise. Like his random text at 4am his timing, when it’s when he should sleep because he has work the next day. You get the gist.

But hey, for the record, I just really really really really miss you. And it’s never going to go away.

Until you’re in my arms.

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