Gamer’s Remorse, Entry 1
I should preface this with the fact that I have never used a blogging site before, I have never attempted to keep any sort of blog or journal, I am learning as I go, and I have no idea what I’m doing.
Additionally, my writings will contain strong language, and may (more than likely will) reference sexual content pertaining to video games.
(Preface: I don’t quite understand the formatting this site uses, and I’m struggling to work with it.)
Everyone likes video games. Not really. A LOT of people like video games. A massive portion the planet’s population enjoys video games on some level in some way, be it visual novels or action RPG’s or digital card games. Some people (myself) like video games a tad more than everyone else. By a tad, I mean quite a bit. Some people focus their lives around video games. I am one of these people. If my life is the Milky Way galaxy, the sun is labelled “Video Games”. There’s a few complications with this though. As much as I love video games, and love that I place such high value on them in my life, I am not proud of how much I rely on them. I am not proud of how they have completely taken over my life and how my existence essentially revolves around them. I have been persuaded by a dear friend to make an attempt at writing about this, so here I am. I don’t yet know what purpose writing about this will serve, but I’ll figure that out later.
My lifestyle is not healthy. I wake up, turn to my left, push the power button on my computer, then go make a pot of coffee while it boots. I browse Reddit while I consume 3 mugs of coffee to wake up. When I have some focus and clarity from the caffeine (addiction sucks but whatever, I’m over it.), I start my day off with games. Doesn’t matter what. Warframe, Final Fantasy, Wolfenstein. And that is my day. I play video games, almost all day, almost every day. Some days I work, in which case I stop playing video games and go make money, and then come straight back to my Steam library. All day, every day. I only sleep 5 or 6 hours a night so that I can have a couple extra hours in the morning for it before work.
“But Aviator, don’t you have friends?” I do. I have friends. Very, very dear friends. But I moved away from all of them, for a number of reasons that are a combination of private, or irrelevant. So I have friends that I cannot see in person. Which leaves more time for what? Video games. Because I can slam out a conversation with my best friend over Skype while I’m playing.
Despite my friends, and the number of online communities I am a part of, I am an incredibly lonely individual. Don’t feel sorry for me, I did this to myself. My situation is my fault. I have money, I have free time. I could go to the casinos across town and meet people, make friends, hang out with my coworkers. Connect. Be social. But I don’t. My excuse is always “I’m an introvert, so it’s okay.” But, while that may be true, it’s not okay. Not even a little bit. My addiction to video games has isolated me from the world. And for some twisted, sick reason, I’ve been okay with that. Through posting here, I am going to make an attempt at working out why I have been okay with that for so long, what caused it initially, and go into detail about why I enjoy video games so much. There’s a HELL of a lot more to it than “it’s just a fun thing to do.” Video games are truly, genuinely fascinating in so many ways and it’s easy to get lost in them. But if you’re me, you got too lost. So now you gotta map your way back out. Like getting stuck in one of those randomly generated cave systems in Minecraft that seems to go in every direction forever, and then you ran out of torches and can’t find your way back out. I’ll be attempting to post weekly, though knowing me, it won’t be that consistent.
I don’t know what I’m after here, but I know I need something.