“Don’t Get Your Hopes Up” Is the Dating Mantra of 2018
Shani Silver

The truth, painful, sad, yet completely expected. I have seen so many friends go through it that I do not understand why anyone even tries.

That being said, in the lesbian dating world, “she’s just not that into you” is quickly becoming as real an occurrence. It appears that when the most likely person in a relationship to ghost has to be a woman because there’s no man involved, the result is the same. I know that women do this to men, too, but the bullshit does certainly appear unevenly divided in herero attempted-couplings.

Date-sex-disappear, drinks-sex-disappear, phone call-sex-disappear; cry. Sure there are friends, careers, studies, beautiful places to explore and music to enjoy. But it certainly takes a toll on you when you don’t warrant parting words repeatedly.

I say this mostly at second hand. My experience is similar but a bit more… broken. I’m a predominantly asexual lesbian. I like women, just not really with the desire to orgasm. My dates have a history of simply being three hours of stilted conversation followed by weeks of silence and eventual giving up. (No, that’s after being quite forward with people that sex is not on my list of desires, not ever, and that I’m not just being picky, and only ever dating other women who present as not desiring sex.)

Perhaps having low expectations is the answer. I’m just not sure if having any expectations at all is possible since, for the vast majority of dates, it’s not that your potential partner doesn’t come through as much of a half-relationship in training. They don’t go to the next step; they step away.