White People Want to Put Mayo on Everything For Some Reason

It’s only in the last year or two that I happened to stumble upon the pleasures of mayo and muscle cars, and it bums me out that just when I’m starting to get woke to the benefits of whiteness the trend lines are turning south. I feel like I just found a neighborhood restaurant with a quirky menu and unironic decor, only to learn that the owners are looking to retire and hand the place over to Millennials with a marketing plan ready to roll out.

Can you recommend any books or blogs that I can use to get quickly caught up on the cool parts of being White?

True story: I was in Salt Lake City for a business conference and wanted to get away from the chain hotels and conventioneer restaurants for at least one dinner, ended up in the coffee shop of the Little America — and it was like I had found the magazine-ad childhood that I never got to experience the first time around. Dessert was a slice of chocolate cake and a glass of milk. Wow, I thought, those white people really did have something going there, didn’t they?