you cant tell someone when to hurt or heal.

thats the real reason why i knew i wouldnt be holding expectations for a friendship. you didnt value me enough as a friend like you were saying you did when i gave myself some space to collect my pieces. right after we ended you said “why would you need that, that would mean we arent good right?” then that was promptly followed by a “lets stop talking about this” and i get why you didn’t want to understand or dwell on it any longer. it dragged out longer than it needed to. but those key words showed me that you spoke for us. i can speak for myself because im the only one who knows my own needs. cutting you off was not about you. it was about me using this distance to gain some real clarity and how the hell am i supposed to do that when you’re still everywhere. how am i supposed to make myself whole enough to be the most genuine friend i can be when i thought i still had feelings on my end. im trying to grow into a better person for myself and if that means blocking pictures on the timeline or toxic subtweets then i am taking preventative measures for my well being. how is that playing games. i continue to build myself to be able to be a real friend but my intentions are always being twisted around im starting to really think about if its even worth it. you don’t owe me anything but you should’ve given me the decency to heal as i need. it was selfish of you to expect me to suppress my emotions, cope silently, and take it all in simultaneously. it was unrealistic and demanding and naive. despite all this, i was and i still am here for you in every other aspect. regardless of your hot and cold responses. of your forced cordiality. i dont know what “we” are but i still know that i am here for you through and through.

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