First, let me thank you so much for A) reading my comic, B) responding to my comic and C) inviting me into your thoughts about your own family and culture. One of the things I love most about producing these odd little pictures of mine is the number of times people write to me from all over the world to tell me what they like or don’t like. I love that I have the privilege of conversations like this. Thank you thank you thank you.
Second, I think there may be a misunderstanding about the joke in my comic. If you weren’t already aware, Stanislavski was a Russian actor and director who promoted the idea of truly “living” the characters that an actor portrayed. The joke was less about my needing to discipline my daughter and more about my own tendency to make excuses for my absent-mindedness.
I grew up in a house very much as you describe: one in which courtesy toward one’s elders was valued above all other traits. While certainly I think it is important to show respect where it is due, I worry about blind devotion of any kind. I have known many older people, for instance, who have treated their children very badly, or who hold irrational and negative opinions about this race or that religion. I want my children to know the value and meaning of respect, but I also want them to stand up for what they know is right and good. And, frankly, if my children respect me, I hope it is because they know I love and respect them first.
My children are rude and insensitive from time to time. But I don’t think this makes them uncultured or discourteous. I think it mostly just makes them human. After all, they no doubt learned any rude and insensitive behavior by watching their parents’ rude and insensitive behavior in the past.
Certainly I understand what you mean when you say that you’ve seen young people behave in negative ways that are gaining prevalence. But is it fair to limit this prevalent behavior JUST to young people? In my experience, the percentage of young people who behave negatively is just about the same as the prevalence of adults, middle-aged folk, and the elderly who behave identically. Again, I think it is unfair to hold younger people to a higher standard than everyone else.
I’d like to offer a “silver lining” to the cloud of the behavior we’ve labelled “rude.” I think sometimes we adults believe we hold a monopoly on understanding, on morality, on wisdom, and on just plain being right. My children have, over the years, challenged me when they believed I’ve taken the wrong side of an argument, or when they believed I misrepresented their behavior. This has been good for me, because it has made me question my own position. We all of us must allow for this from time to time: any muscle, even a psychological one, must be exercised occasionally, or it will atrophy. I am grateful that my children have grown up knowing that I need a good kick in the pants now and then, just like I know they do. And I’m grateful that they have the confidence and presence of mind to kick me (metaphorically, that is) in those moments.
I admire you as a mother, and I congratulate you on your beautiful family. You children no doubt learned their good behavior due to the profound influence of their parents. I, too, am glad that you raised children in the best way you know how, and that they reflect your values as a family.
I am a proud dad as well, and I think I can say that I have raised my children in the best way I know how, and that they reflect our values as a family. Our values and expectations may be different from yours as a parent, but I feel confident that, if our children met, they would have an amazing time getting to know one another, if only because their parents have been able to have an exchange like this.
Thank you again — and blessings on you and your family.
Cheers,
Chris
