Why you always Lyin’
When I was still at university, the way I looked at the world was different. For some silly reason, I thought the real world wouldn’t be very different from what I now know was a bubble of protection. My biggest worries were a far cry from what I worry about now. From worrying about whether I would make the deadline for my coursework on , I now worry about what I want to do for the rest of my life. THE REST OF MY LIFE. It sounds so scary and there are some days where I wake up wishing I was a musical prodigy or really good at art, just to save myself the stress of having to think hard about what it is I really want to do. That’s called laziness for everyone who doesn’t know.
Apart from the career stuff, there’s also the friendship stuff. Someone told me 3 years ago that to test whether you are really friends with someone who you went to university with, see whether you still have common ground and things to talk about once you leave. This sounded ridiculous to me at the time. I looked at my friendship group and couldn’t imagine how I could ever lose a connection with people that I was so close and connected to at that point in time. Three years later, I know the person who told me that wasn’t lyin’ So, now you know not to think that what I am saying at this moment is in fact false ( no matter how extreme it sounds)
As time goes along, I also now know that keeping in touch with people is really hard. Some people find it easier than others, but I struggle. I am that annoying friend who never picks up calls or replies messages 3 days after they were sent. This is not because I don’t care, but because I really would rather face to face contact. Even though, I know that virtual communication is the next best thing, i don’t find it as engaging as the real deal and fail to engage as much as I should virtually. I know it’s a shitty excuse but the first step to improvement is acceptance right?
If you’re a friend and you happen to be reading this Mumbo jumbo! I love you!
The last thing I have realised is that the older I have gotten; the quieter I have become. I struggle with conversations and find it hard to find things to talk about with people. It’s super frustrating only because if I had a choice, I would just observe. I much rather enjoy listening than talking. Maybe, I need to meet more people that I don’t have to work so with or maybe I should just take a deep breath and not think too much about how much or how little I talk. At the end of the day, most times any pressure you feel is coming from yourself.
*also I tried to find the quaver emoji but low and behold I find the new emoji keyboard quite user unfriendly. It takes me days to search for some emojis.
I needed the quaver to end this with a song! A really appropriate one at that:
Why you always lyin’
Why you always lyin’ doe ( remix)
K bye now.