Writing Log #2: Doubting my Abilities

3 out of 10 overdue articles done. There has been progress.

I woke up to the heavy rain splashing through the roof of my apartment. As I looked to my cellphone, I saw that it was already 11:03AM which was a far cry from the 7AM waking up time I set for myself. I went home at 4:30AM in the morning and through I needed to grind more to get more done. My conscience thought otherwise and told myself to take a break because my well-being is more important than a paycheck.

— — —

I was jokingly texting my sister yesterday about the two students who sat on my right while I was doing my article.

Because I do not like using earphones when I work and they were bantering so loud next to me, I heard everything they were talking about. This is at a studying lounge where college students either pretend to be studying or hang out to watch K-drama because of the fast internet.

Girl Student: Post the announcement in our organization’s Facebook Group.

Guy Student: You do it!

Girl Student: Why should I do it? I’m more superior than you.

Guy Student: Oh yeah. What’s your position again?

Girl Student: Executive Vice President

They went on and on complaining about how they were not able to study for their exams and let 1.5 hours pass by without hitting their goal of thinking about their organization’s next event.

I found it weird because they were advertising students at a premiere university. This goes to show that the school really doesn’t define the students in it.

At 12:30AM, they were still bantering as they walked out the door without accomplishing anything in the two hours they sat next to me.

— — -
Another set of students replaced them at 1:30AM. They kept complaining about how hard it is to finish their assignment for a subject that was due on the same day. They seemed to be group mates and they were talking about a case study for a business class.

Before leaving at 3:30AM, they left and said “Oh, just fuck it if we do not meet the standards that our professor set for us. It’s so tiring and what can we do if we don’t hit it?”

I would have felt sorry for them if I felt they worked hard but they were just gossiping about their classmates 80% of the time That’s a lot of effort to stay up that late and rent a table at a study lounge just to bash people. I didn’t get the logic.

I told myself:

Even though I’m emotionally tired, physically sick, and drowning in deadlines, I will never be like that.

I watched them walk out the door as they were snickering and chatting.

— — -

As I was getting ready to go back again to the same working station to get some writing done, I was looking at the mirror and thinking to myself:

I can’t be a complainer. My clients are mad at me right now, for sure, but I will still give them the articles. I don’t know what they saw in me but I will give them their money’s worth.

There are moments like this when I doubt my skills, work ethic, and how bad I want to succeed. I know deep inside me that it’s a bad idea to do it at a time when I’m fallen and I don’t know what’s coming next. As with other irrational things I’ve done in the past, I know the right thing but I’m still on the verge of not doing it.

I chose to start this writing log so I can let this inhibitions out before I do the work. It takes a good one hour but I think it’s worth it instead of being unproductive for one hour and just browsing through social media without getting any value from it.

Now, back to regular programming.

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