How I Left My Own Multi-Million Dollar SAAS Company to Work With Ayahuasca[Part II]
If you haven’t read Part I yet read it here.
After having a grueling soul stretching experience in my last ceremony I was not eager for my next round of ceremonies. In fact, I was petrified. I remember thinking to myself “Ok Tom, just one small cup this time.” Back then I still thought a small cup meant a small ride...
The ceremony was about two hours in when the energy started to climb uncomfortably fast. To my sheer terror I could see a wall of white energy approaching. I panicked. Fear spread through my body. It was as if all my energy pulled in tighter around me. I immediately sat up cross legged and started gesturing with my hands as if I was swimming around the oncoming wave of white energy. Sitting cross legged felt like a more defensible position energetically (I would later learn this is in fact the case.) In reality I had no idea what to do, but I had to do something, and fast. I definitely did not want a repeat of my last experience... So I started moving the energy with my hands to my left side in a rhythmic pattern. It worked! Well… for about 15 minutes anyways…
The maestro’s icaros (shamanic songs) began to intensify. Miguel has the most amazing icaros and normally I really appreciate them but that night they were intensifying the very energy that I was hellbent on avoiding. There was no way I was going to go through another round of soul stretching torture!
I started pushing back, and in order to keep my concentration I tapped rhythmically on my thigh. To my surprise it started to work! Thank god I thought. Sweat started to form on my brow. Miguel’s Icaros increased in power. Every time I lost concentration, for even a millisecond, the energy would break through and it would feel like burning hot electricity wherever my concentration broke on my body. This went on, back and forth, for the entire ceremony. I guess from the shamans’ perspective they were just doing their work as best they could. For me, I was pushing back like my life depended on it.
I remember praying for it to stop and when it finally did a few hours later I remember thinking to myself; as if shouting in my own head “thank god…eat your heart out Harry Potter.” Little did I know all I had managed to accomplish that night was to be a total nuisance to the Maestro and distract from the healing of my fellow passengers. I had, and still have, much to learn.
At the end of the night, smoking mapacho (Nicotiana Rustica)outside, Miguel proceeded to ask me if I watched UFC. I thought “Well that’s right out of left field...” Especially just having finished a ceremony… I would have expected some spiritual advice about surrender or something. Nope, Miguel went on to tell me about how this new really cocky fighter on the scene named Connor McGregor came in and challenged some older champion fighter. (I can’t remember his name I don’t follow UFC) but Miguel was really into the story so it was easy to follow along. He said “Connor won the first fight, but the old guy came back… He was the more experienced fighter. The next fight he slipped past Connor’s defense at the right time and put him in a sleeper.” It was entertaining how well he could tell a story. I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by it but we finished smoking our mapachos and I called it a night.
That night Miguel showed up in my dreams and worked me all the way to the white room! It wasn’t so bad the second time around. Don’t get me wrong it was tough, but not as tough. I woke up the next morning chuckling. “So that’s what he was talking about.” He really has a great sense of humor.
The first time I helped in ceremony was coincidentally the next time I went all the way to the “white room.” It was the second night of a retreat at Caya Shobo and I was seated next to a very large kind-hearted man.
From the moment I met this man he seemed to me to be nothing if not agreeable. He had just come from volunteering in Canada, helping people who had lost everything in a forest fire. I could tell that he was carrying a lot.
That night the ceremony started like a rocket. Much faster than normal. I heard an internal voice call out to me about 20 minutes after drinking. I recognized it as the same voice that had asked me if I was brave enough many ceremonies before. Only now, I was being asked to help, and quite frankly I had no idea how.
My new kind-hearted friend to my immediate left started purging violently. Then I felt it. There was something else in the room… Miguel was already in full force pulling whatever it was out of him. It was like a giant match of tug of war sprawled out across the room. I heard ayahuasca again tell me to help. I placed both hands on the floor and with the complete concentration of my mind, I pushed the darkness back. To my surprise, I felt the balance shift just a little and so I continued. The tension picked up. I lost my concentration a few times. Each time the dark energy would penetrate my energy and I would immediately start to puke it up. After getting it out of me I would rejoin the tug of war. Miguel was surprisingly calm; like the eye of the storm with everything swirling around him. Me not so much.
Eventually Miguel got it out, he stopped singing and lit a mapacho cigarette. My neighbor sighed a huge sigh of relief as if to signal the end of his 15 minute marathon of straight purging. The energy of the room shifted and it seemed to me that all the other passengers were relaxing now as well.
Miguel called me up to his mat to do some work on me. He leaned over and asked me “So! How do you like your job?” I was confused and it took me a moment to reply “I guess it’s ok, I mean it pays the bills...” He chuckled “No your job tonight!” He looked me in the eyes and said “It feels good to help people doesn’t it?” I was blown away. I went back to my mat after he had finished cleaning my energy and thought “OK, so I guess i’m not crazy, we both experienced that!”
It did feel good to help, really good. In fact, I was in such a good place that night that when the white wall of energy came later in the ceremony I laid down on my mat and tried to relax as much as I could. To me, it seemed as if I could feel the anxiety of the others in the room. I tried my best to surrender to the medicine. It seemed to me that if somehow I surrendered it might help some of the others to do the same. At the same time, when I noticed someone else relaxing it helped me to go deeper as well. To me, the whole room felt like a team.
The energy climbed all the way up.
For a moment nothing existed but pure white light and in that pure whiteness a wave of energy washed over me and licked me clean in one powerful sweeping motion. My body reverberated like a bell. It might sound cool, but it’s very disorienting to vibrate like that. I sat up cross legged and took long and deep conscious breaths.The soul stretching went on for about an hour this time and it was somewhat easier than the previous two times.
The next ceremony where I had to help was even more challenging but also more rewarding. It was the first time I had the opportunity to help someone else on my own. It was also the first time I sat as a facilitator.
Until next time,
Tom
