Empty.

The thought of suicide is a hard thought, Creating a feeling of scare and pain. The idea of leaving your whole world behind creates an empty feeling in your soul, to the point where it’s controlling. Creating a scare in your mind every day. Imagine yourself leaving this world, all the friends and family lost. Driving through thought and uselessness, suicide isnt a scare to me. Being scared of suicide isnt a objectifiable opinion. It’s either your scared or you’re not. I think about it alot, Leaving everything. My mother, oh my beautiful mother, a passionate soul that makes me feel worth everything. But I’m not, and the thought of being gone scares the living aspect of life out of me. I’m not perfect, but I’m not bad either, I’m just stuck. Stuck in this endless void of emptiness, It gets hard, very hard. Sometimes the pain is too much to handle. Questions appear in my mind, Will I make it? Will I be great? Trouble sleeping is on the same isle as suicide the feeling of tiredness and often being hateful to myself. It’s like I forgot to die when I fell asleep. This feeling is so inexplicable, it’s so hard to hold on. Being afraid of the reality of being gone gives me chills. This mad world makes me go crazy sometimes, all the hate, sadness, joy, happiness all comes to one point, Then you’re Gone. Being numb in every step of life hurts. Sometimes pain is the only way to feel something, sort of a reality check. Just to make sure I’m here. As in my mind, it’s the only way I can feel that I’m even a human being on this earth. Loving myself isn’t as easy as it may look, constant regret about everything that I do right or wrong. By this point in the story you may be wondering, how can someone deal with so much pain? To be completely honest with whoever is reading this I don’t Know. Hiding it behind smiles and fun doesn’t cut it. Truly feeling emotion or physical feelings is so hard. To put it simply, every thought is a battle, every breath is an endless war, and it gets to the point where I don’t even think I’m winning anymore. But in the end, a person needs more courage to live than to kill himself. That’s the incredible way that it tricks you, it hits you when not even expecting it.

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