Comedy as a Coping Mechanism

How Nora Ephron and Carrie Fisher revolutionized comedy by turning woe in to wit.

Women in entertainment have left their mark on the world and media in many different and positive ways. Carrie Fisher was the iconic Princess Leia for instance and Nora Ephron was the brilliant screenwriter behind “When Harry Met Sally”. While these two women both excelled in their associated roles, they went above and beyond simply being an “actress” and a “screenwriter” and used their platform to speak on behalf of women using their skill, wit, and unapologetic truth about their own experiences. Fisher and Ephron took charger of their social status in order to not only change the role of Jewish women in comedy, but to bring awareness to the world and anyone willing to listen — which they did gladly — about the reality of being a woman in modern America.

Carrie Fisher and Nora Ephron used their skillset and humor to speak about the unspoken roles of women in day-to-day life. While they are not necessarily pigeonholed to the same role — as no two women should be — Ephron and Fisher also used their position and comedic backgrounds in order to speak about seemingly unimportant, or rather unspoken of, issues that are often overlooked by a male society such as struggles with appearance, relationships, mental health and fame. Though many have come before them, Ephron and Fisher are both prominent figures who set the stage for other female Jewish comedians to speak candidly about issues related specially to women, to those struggling with mental health issues, and to use blunt femininity to break stigmas perpetuated by the male gaze. Through their respective memoirs, essays and other platforms, Ephron and Fisher gave light to the trials and tribulations that women endure in a way that is humorous, entertaining, reassuring, and sometimes even uplifting and went to prove that fame and recognition are not synonymous with self-acceptance and confidence.

One of the most prominent and comparable instances of using humorous and self-deprecating writing as a platform to speak upon personal issues lays within Ephron’s introduction in Heartburn and Fisher’s introduction in her memoir Wishful Drinking. In the first chapter of Heartburn, Ephron introduces her semi-autobiographical novel with:

“The first day I did not think it was funny. I didn’t think it was funny the third day either, but I managed to make a little joke about it. ‘The most unfair thing about this whole business,’ I said, ‘is that I can’t even date.’ Well, you had to be there, as they say, because when I put it down on paper it doesn’t sound funny. But what made it funny (trust me) is the word ‘date,’ which when you say it out loud at the end of a sentence has a wonderful teenage quality, and since I am not a teenager (okay, I’m thirty-eight), and since the reason I was hardly in a position to date on first learning that my second husband had taken a lover was that I was seven months pregnant, I got a laugh on it, though for all I know my group was only laughing because they were trying the cheer me up. I needed cheering up.” (127).

Nora Ephron’s initial introduction sets that tone for the remainder of the memoir and paints a true portrait of who she was as a person- a comedian who could use her own self-deprecating misery as a punchline. While this is not outwardly “admirable” in the traditional sense of the word, Ephron’s comedic approach in speaking about the trials and tribulations that life throws at one is incredibly important for a multitude of reasons. For one, the use of humor in describing uncomfortable and personal topics is not just a coping mechanism as one might assume, but is a tool to allow other women or people experiencing the same situation to understand that they are not alone. In a sense, by addressing that her life at the moment was literally a joke, Nora Ephron creates an aura of universality that suggests to other women that they are not alone and that even the most traumatizing experiences can eventually become laughable.

Carrie Fisher is a tad more upfront about parodying her life. In Wishful Drinking, Fisher directly introduces herself to the reader and claims that, “I have to start by telling you that my entire existence could be summed up in one phrase. And that is: If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable” (17). In similar fashion to Nora Ephron, Fisher elaborates on her relatively blunt observation of her own life through explaining that:

“What that really means, other than what it sounds like, is, let’s say something happens and from a certain slant maybe it’s tragic, even a little bit shocking. Then when time passes and you go to the funny slant, and now that very same thing can no longer do you any harm […] An example of the tragic and shocking might be: A few years ago a friend of mine died in my house, but not content to simply die in my house, he also died in my bed. So he didn’t just die in his sleep, he died in mine.” (18).

Both Ephron and Fisher essentially use “tragic and shocking” events that occurred to them to introduce their respective memoirs through comedy. While Ephron speaks upon marital infidelity and Fisher speaks upon the death of a friend, both effectively turn their tragedies into puns as a method to cope and create a relatable and entertaining platform to discuss issues that most everyone endures throughout their lifetime. While there is nothing blatantly funny about either woman’s described circumstance, the humor is resultant of their ability to use self-deprecation as a way to get important messages across. This not only makes both Ephron and Fisher true comedians, but innovative women who ultimately influenced a new brand of comedy that allows women to speak candidly about their experiences free from the restraints of prior patriarchal societal expectations often placed upon women.

It is unquestionable that the vast majority of women relate to the ideas of perfection and often fall victim the constant societal push to see oneself as a martyr to the limelight, especially in Ephron and Fisher’s cases based on their stardom. Though both were victim to broad societal standards, both Ephron and Fisher draw on their relationship with their families and how these different relationships ultimately affected their self-esteem, body image, and other factors that both women often discuss. While patriarchal expectations are certainly in place within the roles of women’s lives, familial expectations are also incredibly important to acknowledge as well.

As Carrie remarks on her incredible daughter and extraordinary relationship with her, one must draw a direct correlation to the fact there are many similarities to the relationship between Carrie and her mother, Debbie Reynolds. Reynolds, in her own right, imprinted upon Carrie that a women must always be perfectly presentable despite the turmoil that ensued behind closed doors and within one’s own being. The constant pressure to be “cookie cutter” perfect, even during child birth, was not only unattainable, but incredibly damaging to Fisher’s self-esteem as a child. Carrie remarks that her mother “looked like a Christmas morning [and] all the doctors were all buzzing around her pretty head….with all the placenta and everything else.” (30) Fisher jokes that “When I arrived I was virtually left unattended!” because of the nurses and doctor’s fascination of her Hollywood starlet parents. Though the image that Fisher describes is hilarious, she acknowledges this initial feeling of abandonment and claims that she has been “trying to make up for that fact ever since” (30). Though funny in its delivery, it is clear that Fisher is communicating very serious instilled feelings of abandonment and isolation through the use of humor.

Carrie Fisher continues to elaborate on her struggle with keeping up with appearances and pushing herself to maintain an unattainable standard during her time filming the iconic “Star Wars” films that ultimately granted her fame. Through anecdotal quips about her experience on set, Fisher describes the negative impact that the movie industry had on her bodily image, primarily her weight. In typical Carrie Fisher manner, she claims that George Lucas (the director) was a “sadist” that gave her “this unbelievably idiotic hairstyle” otherwise recognized as the iconic Princess Leia buns. Fisher describes that she lied to Lucas about loving the hairstyle because she was “terrified to get fired for being too fat” which ultimately became a reality when she was asked to lose ten more pounds when she only weighed 105 at the time (82). Again, fisher makes light of this request to lose weight through self-deprecation and claims that “[she] carried about fifty of those pounds in [her] face!” and once again criticizes Lucas’ stylistic choices by sarcastically asking and answering the rhetorical question: “So you know what good idea would be? Give me a hairstyle that further widens my already wide face!” (84).

Of course, anyone who has seen any of the “Star Wars” films knows that Fisher portrayed the intergalactic princess beautifully and was, in fact, not carrying fifty pounds in her face. These body image issues, or body dysmorphia, is a very common and universally shared problem, but specifically among women. By making fun of her nonexistent facial weight, Fisher is not just playing into to her own self-deprecating motif, but subtly reveals to her female readers that the beautiful and iconic Princess Leia was also victim to the standards that accompany the male gaze and the body images that coexist with these standards. Though it is certainly untrue that Fisher’s face weighed a hefty fifty pounds, this over exaggeration is none other than a comedic mechanism used to cleverly speak about body image in a way that is not only funny, but true.

Though Nora Ephron was not necessarily as present in the limelight of Hollywood as Carrie Fisher, she too succumbed to the patriarchal expectations of female appearance that affected Princess Leia and still affect other women. In the essay “The Story of My Life in 3,500 Words or Less”, Ephron expresses her own struggles with weight which, given the title of the essay, was a large disruption to her life considering she chose to included it in such a short though important essay. According to Ephron, she came back from college weighing 126 pounds when she had only weighed 106 pounds before. Though Ephron did not have George Lucas commenting on her weight, she did have her own male authority figure that filled this role — her father — who, after seeing Ephron’s weight gain for the first time, simply said to her mother, “Well, maybe someone will marry her for her personality” (469).

While this “weight gain” does not necessarily seem drastic despite the reaction from her father, Ephron clearly enunciates her distaste for her own body when she claims that “I was once thin and shapeless. Now, I am fat and, ironically, equally shapeless” (469). Ephron continues to describe her struggle with her weight and recalls a time in which she could not even fit into her friend Janice’s pants even though “Janice has always been overweight (469). After being ridiculed by her friend, Ephron states that, “The next day I go on a diet. In six months my weight drops back to 106. I have been on a diet ever since” which suggests that though her struggle with weight occurred when she was younger, it was influenced her life from then on and that dieting has essentially become a part of her daily routine (469). While this is not as inherently funny as Fisher’s recollection of her own weight issues, it goes to show the severity of body image issues and proves that while such issues may seem temporary or fixable, they can be lifelong and, as Ephron describes it, even “tragic”.

The truth is, many women universally struggle with their weight and body image and his passage not only suggests that Ephron was dissatisfied with herself after the weight gain, but prior to it. Though this is not outrageously funny whatsoever, it does allow the readers to understand that body issues occur to everyone and accomplishes the same sense of universality that Fisher also presented. Though most men would most likely not look at 126 pound woman and outwardly address her weight, Ephron successfully takes an issue that may seem like it’s not a big deal and turns it into one. By taking a seemingly unimportant issue and making it a key point in her life, Ephron reinstates a narrative that addresses the struggles women endure that are often overlooked or ignored entirely. In a society that prides weight loss and physical appearance, Fisher and Ephron do the opposite and discuss the harsh reality that accompanies chasing unattainable standards and ultimately view weight loss and weight gain as something that is damaging, but address that it is mostly damaging because men have made it to be that way. Using humor, Fisher and Ephron speak unapologetically about the lasting damaging effects of societal standards placed upon women in both a universal and a personal context.

Earlier in life, Fisher claimed that with the “profound certainty of a ten year old”, she had often surmised that she “would not be, and in no way now, the beauty that [her] mother was” on the basis that she “was clumsy-looking and intensely award, insecure girl” (50). However, Carrie Fisher, as Leia, became a house hold name and ultimately a sexual icon. As Fisher puts it, despite the fact that she was essentially miserable when she played Princess Leia, “like any abused child, wearing a metal bikini, chained to a giant slug about to die, I keep coming back for more” (84). While Fisher does not exclusively attribute her return to this toxic occupation to the fame she consequently received from her role, she does admit that the fame was slightly intoxicating. For a girl who ultimately viewed herself as ugly throughout her childhood and even beyond that, perhaps being idolized by pre-pubescent boys and being the point of jealousy for young girls was indeed a confidence boost, despite the idiotic hairstyle. Though she jokes about it throughout Wishful Drinking, it is clear that the impeccable Debbie Reynolds presented an idealized image of femininity that Carrie found to be unachievable except while bikini clad in “Star Wars” which even then, was unfulfilling.

With her newfound fame — and bobble heads and Barbie’s to further implement her idolized fame, beauty and, according to her, falsified perfection — Fisher became even more victim to the limelight and others expectations of her ultimately rose alongside her fame. Though Fisher admittedly enjoyed being viewed as a sexual being for once and obtaining an identity “that will follow [Harrison Ford and Fisher] to our respective graves like a vague, exotic smell”, her stardom admittedly came with a price — never ending self-deprecation masked by humor. Though Fisher claims that her favorite Princess Leia commemorative toy was a PEZ dispenser, one of the most vulgar, yet hilarious, anecdotes in Wishful Drinking describes Fisher’s encounter with her own Princess Leia sex doll. In recalling her sexual encounter with herself, Fisher claims that she could not make herself orgasm using the doll (“…and I have to tell you, I spent hours”). While one could only imagine the hilarity that comes with literally “fucking yourself” with your own likeness as Fisher so aptly describes it, the fact that she could not respond sexually to her own self is metaphorical in its own, unique way. This situation occurs at a point in Fisher’s life where she has acknowledged her own sexuality and even embraced it. However, despite the fact that Fisher has embraced her own being, she literally cannot make herself orgasm which suggests that despite how one is perceived publicly, dissatisfaction with one’s own self is ultimately subjective and thus can only be altered by your own self-perception, not others. Though Fisher’s recollection of attempting to have sex with herself is undeniably comedic, it hints at the unspoken truth that body images and satisfaction are not easily ridden of.

Like Fisher, Ephron also describes her relationship with fame and how being in the spotlight has influenced her life but has not completely dismissed her personal issues that were present prior to her fame. In her essay “On Being Named Person of the Year”, Ephron acknowledges that “It never occurred to me that when I was finally named Person of the Year by Time magazine, which I seem to have been, I would find it out by reading the morning newspaper on the actual day Time magazine appeared” (452). Though this introduction to Ephron’s spectacular achievement is hilariously underwhelming, it suggests that even though Ephron received this praise, it was not necessarily life-changing and did not detract from her true, self-deprecating nature. In fact, being named Person of the Year without her explicit consent was actually insulting to Ephron who exclaims:

“I still can’t believe it. I’m easy to reach. […] They might want my favorite new recipe for leek bread pudding (although they could copy it out of the December Martha Stewart, where I got it). They might want to know about my favorite new ice cream flavor (Haagen-Dazs caramel cone), although I already mentioned it in a recent blog; God forbid there should be any fact about me that isn’t known to just about everyone.” (452).

Though Ephron’s concerns about her Time magazine article are clearly sarcastic, this falsified outrage is ironic in describing Ephron’s self-assumed “mundane” life and other’s disinterest. Though satirical in essence, the fact that Ephron expresses her desire to be interviewed and asked personal questions suggests that she feels isolated from others. Like Fisher’s unfulfilling idolized role of Princess Leia, Ephron’s title of “Person of the Year” does not necessarily erase her low self-esteem, desire to be heard, and other basic human needs. In other words, just because someone is put on pedestal and idolized as an icon does not mean their life is in any way perfect. Fame does not bring happiness or self-assurance.

On a more relatable level, both Fisher and Ephron express their marital problems and both women candidly expressed that even they were not immune to the idea that love and marriage saves all. In the age of failed marriages, this is particularly is a particularly important and universal experience that both Fisher and Ephron spoke about freely and acknowledged in a way that was very real.

Paul Simon, whom Carrie fisher loved and adored, could not fill the void of a woman who was truly unbalanced. Throughout Wishful Drinking, Fisher continuously parodies the idea of “Hollywood 101” which she utilizes as a term to aptly describe and teach the “interbreeding” that occurs throughout Hollywood amongst famous people. On the topic of her own marriage and divorce, Fisher claimed that “remarrying the same person is the triumph of nostalgia over judgement” after discussing her divorce with Simon whom she ended up re-dating for years after their separation (94). However, while she speaks candidly about this less-than-ideal arrangement, Fisher ultimately uses her distaste for remarrying as her off-the-cuff way to excuse her radical behaviors and justify remaining in an unhealthy relationship. Furthermore, it allows fisher to underlying reject the idea of failed marriages that essentially flooded her Hollywood childhood and ultimately caused the divorce of her parents. Under the guise of using common sense, Carrie “dated” Paul Simon on and off over the course of twelve years rather than marrying him again despite the fact that he ultimately referred to her negatively in the songs he wrote, with Fisher humorously accepting these subtle insults with a simple “Yup, I’m a bitch” (95). Though Fisher plays off this relationship and the turmoil it caused her using humor, the underlying message is incredibly clear. Using outlandish terms she created and accepting her status as a “bitch” in her relationship, Fisher acknowledges the presence of toxic relationships and how this toxicity is damaging to those involved as she uses sarcasm to offset emotion. Furthermore, memories of her childhood and the multiple instances of remarriage she was exposed to are subtly reflected in Fisher’s own denunciation of remarrying.

However, Fisher also admits to the fact that even she is victim to idealized perceptions of love despite hear headstrong nature. While she eventually found companionship with Bryan Lourd whom she eventually had her daughter, Billie, with, she expresses that she had terribly unfortunate encounters with most romantic partners. Though Fisher candidly exclaims that “I make [men] bald, I turn them gay, my work is done!” and thus makes light of her failed relationships through truthful humor, she is actually doing a service to the women reading (111). Though it is unfair to speak on behalf of “women” as a single entity, one of the many fears that women often face is the thought of being unable to find love, have children, and get married. By embracing the fact that she essentially drives men away, Fisher brings to light the obvious yet radical idea that men are not a necessity in the journey to self-acceptance and happiness. Though she pokes fun at her relationship with men over the years, Fisher does not allow these failed relationships to define her life and instead finds joy in her daughter. In doing so, Fisher not only directs attention to the positive experience of singleness rather than dwelling on heartbreak, but disrupts the notion that a traditional, nuclear family is the key to happiness.

Fisher’s failed relationships are reminiscent of Nora Ephron’s who herself was a two time divorcee. Though Ephron shares her emotional struggles that were resultant of her filed marriages and claims that the “most important thing about [her], for quite a long chunk of time, was that I divorced. Even after I was no longer divorced but remarried this was true” (503). In brief, her essay “The D Word” addresses the very real aftershocks of divorce and how it negatively effects self-esteem, your children, and your relationship with your ex-husband’s cats. However, while Ephron does express the negative impact her divorces had on her life, she ultimately challenges the notion that divorce is the worst thing that can happen to a woman. Instead of dwelling on the past, Ephron positively attributes her divorces to the concept of survival and claims that “…I survived. My religion is Get Over It. I turned it into a rollicking story. I wrote a novel. I bought a house with the money from that novel” and thus transforms her negative experience into an uplifting one (506). Though Ephron speaks about the seriousness and heartbreak of divorce, she does so in a way that is both entertaining and universally positive in its conclusion. Ephron eloquently concludes her essay on the “D” word by stating the simple and vulnerable truth that “for a long time, the fact that I was divorced was the most important thing about me. And now it’s not” showing that even from the beginning of the essay, she has grown from the experience of her tumultuous relationships. “Now”, Ephron states, “the most important thing about me is that I’m old” (507).

Though both Fisher and Ephron used personal anecdotes to speak about issues specific to themselves that are fundamentally universal within the word of women, they also utilized their platforms to speak upon other, more prominent political and social issues — namely underrepresented minorities and mental health issues — and wrote candidly about how such issues affected not only themselves, but others.

For instance, in Nora Ephron’s aptly named essay “White Men”, she discusses the role that white men play in the political sphere. Not holding back her true feeling for the Pennsylvania candidates at the time, Ephron poses the bold idea that “This is an election about whether the people of Pennsylvania hate blacks more than they hate women. And when I say people, I don’t mean people, I mean white men” (464). Ephron, a powerful and heard women, making this type of claim showcases the fact that even though she writes much about her own relatable experiences, that her platform is also utilized in terms of political awareness and to bring attention to issues she deems as important to both herself and underrepresented communities that she stands for. Of course, she also uses comedic relief to get her point across when she claims that “white men cannot be relied on, as all of us know who have spent a lifetime dating them” which simultaneously evokes laughter and stays in touch with the serious matter at hand (464).

On a similar note, Fisher also utilizes writing as a tool to discuss issues she finds important to speak upon using her given platform. However, instead of the stigmas surrounding political issues, Fisher uses Wishful Drinking in order to use humor to discuss the stigmas associated with addiction and mental health issues using humor. Fisher, who is a self-proclaimed addict and open about her bipolar disorder and manic depression, uses her comedic writing to bring awareness to the reality of mental disorders. For instance, Fisher claims that “statistics say that a range of mental disorders affects more than one in four Americans in any given year. That means that millions of people are totally batshit” (122). While this educational and entertaining quip simply regurgitates statistics about mental disorders, it approaches the topic in a way that is engaging, but informative about the reality of the amount of people who suffer from illnesses like Fisher. Using her experience and knowledge of mental disorders, Fisher directly engages her readers and urges them to consider the reality of mental health when she states “So, here are some of the things they ask you to determine if you’re mentally disordered. If you say yes to any number of these questions, you, too, could be insane” and the list goes as follows:

1. In the last week, have you been feeling irritable?
2. In the last week, have you gained a little weight?
3. In the last week, have you not felt like talking to people?
4. Do you no longer get as much pleasure doing certain things as you used to?
5. In the last week, have you felt fatigue?
6. Do you think about sex a lot?

After presenting her list, Fisher immediately calls out her readers by boisterously asserting that, “If you don’t say yes to any of these questions either you’re lying, you don’t speak English, or you’re illiterate” (122–3). Though Fisher parodies the diagnosis of mental illness, she brings to light the fact that many people suffer from these illnesses and proposes the idea that even you could be a member of those one in four Americans. Not only does this alleviate some misconceptions about mental illnesses, it destigmatizes the idea that those addresses with such illnesses may not actually come across as sick. Though Fisher’s directness about mental illness may be viewed as off-putting or insensitive, it is necessary in order to simultaneously bring awareness to the reality of mental illness while reaffirming that common stereotypes about mental disorders are simply not true.

Perhaps one of the most admirable traits that can be directly associated to Nora Ephron and Carrie Fisher is their tendency to be unapologetic in speaking their candid truth. While this bluntness may be interpreted as rude, un-ladylike or otherwise vapid, it was entirely necessary in order to break the stigma that women should be docile, submissive and overall polite. By being entirely unapologetic in the way they spoke about issues, Ephron and Fisher actually gained the attention that they were looking for in order to speak about issues that were important to them and used their impenitent humor to their advantage as a guise. Though there are many Jewish female comedians that have followed in the unapologetic footsteps of Nora Ephron and Carrie Fisher, they ultimately set the stage for the wave of women who have begun to utilize humor and self-deprecation to their advantage as a method of making their voices heard. While these issues may range from seemingly unimportant cosmetic insecurities to politically based assumptions to relatable issues such as divorce, they are all presented as equally important by Fisher and Ephron.

By going against the grain of normative society, Nora Ephron and Carrie Fisher twisted the narrative of the traditional polite, docile woman and used their own crude humor and public stance in order to use comedy to speak about the unspoken lives of women, underrepresented communities, and the mentally ill that are often overlooked. Not only this, but they proved that speaking candidly about one’s own experience using humor is okay, and thus set the stage for the many female comedians we see today. In a society where “Men love jokes, women don’t. Men tell jokes, women can’t. Men have cocks, women don’t. End of story.” both Nora Ephron and Carrie Fisher broke free from their assigned roles, proved their critics wrong and had the audacity to tell jokes (Ephron 450).