Once in a while, I have conversations with myself and once in a while, I document them
You know boy, you've known these things since forever, so now I think it’s time you came face to face with your fears and your inner truths; those tiny whispers you push away into the recesses of your mind and while you’re doing that, maybe you could you know, start living a life that’s actually yours.
Now let’s get to it, what is it that you want Ayooluwa? What do you want to do? Or what do you imagine yourself doing? And what are you currently willing to give up so you can do these things?
These questions can be difficult to answer, because the truth is while freedom, relative fame, wealth and all the nice things you want sound nice, the price they entail are such that few men can bear… or so you’ve deceived yourself into imagining, because the actual truth is, giving up partying and turn up with the boys for a few years will not do any permanent harm to you, and there is nothing that your body cannot adapt to if you let it, and that the ability to put in extra effort and be decisive is a skill that can be learnt.
The truth is that you want to be comfortably carried to your dreams, you have no needs or desires save the superficial wants that every single human being on this planet possesses. You have no fire and in the moments you are able to light a spark, the way you structure your actions and activities sees to it that the spark remains just that, a spark that never manages to reach activation energy and so no fire.
There’s nothing wrong with this mind you, it just means you’re probably going to end up like the majority of everyone else, subservient to rigid, inflexible people whose only ideas of what it means to be good looking are a low cut, fairly loose fitting dress trousers and an office shirt, you’ll have to get a low cost apartment in an area you don’t exactly like and make friends with people who never bothered to dream past their next paycheck and worst of all, you’ll probably get used to it and try to make the best of that experience so all in all, you’ll probably live a comfortable, boring, limited life, cut off from all the really exciting things happening around the world.
There’s also the scenario where you could decide to actually stick to the plans you come up with and apply all the knowledge you gain from all the extraordinary people you come across and go for all the things you want, simply because life is short and precious, you have just one chance to live it, you don’t know when you will die and for Christ’s sake it is your fucking experience, no one else’s, no one will ever know you as completely as you can know yourself, no one has the right to determine how you should live your life, all they can do for you is give you genuinely helpful and loving advice and sadly that is hardly ever the case.
Bad boy, I want the best for you, and another truth is that, apart from death and probably imprisonment, your worst case scenarios no matter how bleak are just as the name suggests, scenarios, they have an end and after that life goes on, and it goes on in its full ramifications, meaning, everything that life contains will still be available to you, things like possibility, love, opportunity, the ability to learn and adapt, new experiences, etc. will still be there, you can always make a comeback, your goals and dreams aren't you.
Always remember that you are the ocean behind the waves
And that you are not limited by what you own or possess, but by what you do with said possessions.
You are the originator and founder of the reality you are currently experiencing; you are the source of your wellbeing, emotions will come and go, dreams and aspirations will come and go, but what will stay with you is the memory of what you did with these things, how you responded to them, whether you accepted them and chased them with vigorous energy and meticulous planning or whether you said no to the things that made you feel alive so that you could say yes to a life you did not give a shit about.
Live your life boy, be bold, open yourself up to the life you want, allow yourself to legitimately enjoy your experience and when you come across those things that ignite a spark in you, hold on to them, they are the fragments of your soul scattered in the world. Get lit, find your peace. See ya soon boy.
NOTE: I do not have anything against living a normal life, I do have something against living an unfulfilled life, I have something against not being able to choose for yourself, or being trapped in an existence that you absolutely hate, I’m all for a rich life, a life of choice, a life of abundance, a life where you get to chase dreams rather than run from your fears. A life that you’ll be proud to call yours at the end, a life you accepted and made into a dream.