Thank You for Making It Weird

Being married is weird, it’s a weird feeling. It’s not between me and my husband, because we lived together for one year prior to our wedding. We got to know each other in the beginning of our relationship, so he knows that I snore louder than him and I know that he has to fart in order to fully awake in the morning. I know that he cannot be bothered while watching YouTube and he knows that I use too many tissues than what a normal human would use daily. I can go on and on and on on these stuffs, but what you need to know that it’s not him that makes being married is weird.

So what is it? You asked. It’s you, I answered.

You asked questions like, “How do you feel?”, “How is it?”. “Now what do you do?” and when I answered, “Nothing much.”, you are surprised by the answer. But that’s the truth, nothing much, we are still the same couple, we still feel the same way toward each other. Are we happier now that we’re married? Not really, because we have been very happy since we got together. Are we take more care of each other now that we’re married? We have been taking so much care of each other since the beginning, so?

And then you started to expect more from us as a husband and wife. No, not the I’m-expecting-expectation, because I’ve prepared myself for that expectation. You expect us to be more social now that we’re married, F-ing no! We’re getting old and that’s why we got married, we want to stay at home as much as possible, honestly, we don’t want to spend the weekend socializing with other married couples and their children, we just want to cuddle at home, he watches TV and I’m binging on Netflix, or maybe I’m having drinks with my friends and he watches TV at home (My husband loves the TV, surprise!). And another weird expectation is, you expect us to always spend time together. When I’m out with my friends, you and them expect my husband to be there and vice versa. Let me tell you something, when you live together with someone, you will get bored of them and it’s okay, because you’re just a human.

I learned so many things from my parents’ failed marriage, my grandparents’ happy marriage, and your or their marriage. It ain’t easy of course, but it also could be the simplest thing in our life, it’s our nature as a human. But we make it complicated, we make each other feel weird, expect things from each other, and you know that William Shakespeare once said that ‘expectation is the root of all heartache’, right? And I think that’s what destroys marriages.

Of course, just like Jon Snow, I know nothing. I only have been married for five minutes, so don’t listen to me. “She married her former boss and used to get batshit drunk in a parking lot every night, so really, don’t listen to her.” I know you would say that after you read my rambles above. But don’t hate me, I’m just writing down how you make me feel weird about being married.