
The end of things.
How do you handle ends? I personally like systems for things because it can help take away the subjectivity of a situation. A lot of our emotions can be counter intuitive to what we want to achieve if they’re out of control.
There are things that can rein in the emotions through yoga and ayurveda and mindful meditation as a regular practise but even before that I subscribe to an external system for how I function.
Since last November I’ve felt a very clear reduction taking place. Things, (some) places and (some) people have taken on a faded hue. At the beginning it was like banging my head on a wall trying to understand why life couldn’t flow. Recently, as the close of it nears, I’ve gained a sense of familiarity in it.
My system, which I am getting better at, is to instantly drop that which has faded. Might sound odd but I’ve noticed my sense of sight is pretty good. I’m sitting here at 45 without spectacles. More than that I learn visually and will better remember your name if I’ve seen it written down, even exotic foreign names. It is my strongest sense. I feel the others acutely also but not in a superpower way.
I think it might have been when I was reading some Carlos Castaneda book referencing Don Juans instructions to choose a path with heart. He advised Carlos to focus on the (literal) fork in the road to see which seemed brighter, more appealing. This fascinated me and to this day play around with it when hiking.
Recent days in my old stomping ground, Portland, I’ve observed that faded feeling. The weather has been supreme. The “things to do” are bountiful. My friends have been exceptionally gracious. The light dappled through Mt Tabors leaves are breathtaking. But it’s gone.
When I feel it’s a right thing the sight of the object gives me a “full” feeling. That’s the inside reading on how I discern. When it’s faded it feels empty, almost like a perverted space that will look for fillers that lead to imbalance. I’ve done that many times. That’s when my mind gets involved and convinces me to stay.
It is my personal practical way to practise discernment BEFORE it gets to the quesy feeling in my stomach, or worse, congestion in a deeper tissue.
So. In the wisdom of flow and knowing by now that you can’t stop the tidal wave if it has your name on it, I’m dropping muted associations as they appear.
The end of things can be a conscious act.
