How I found love within myself.

mayra monge
Nov 7 · 5 min read
Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

I consider myself a unique and beautiful individual, one that is not easy to keep and one that is difficult to approach. I know my love is worth more than any jewelry ever given to me, and I know I am hard to love at times.

But just because I am hard to love, it does not mean I am not worthy of love.

It took me a long time to realize what I am fully capable of. I made many mistakes and I gladly learn from them, I’ve had many people doubt me and take advantage of my good heart. I would blame myself for never being good enough for anyone, because even my best wouldn’t make those I love and once loved stay. I would go many countless nights wondering what was wrong with me and try to discover the parts I was missing, and I came to the conclusion that I was missing love for myself.

We are so quick to judge ourselves rather than see the beauty within oneself.

I stopped asking what was wrong with myself and why people don’t love me for me and began to practice ways on how to fall in love with who I am. With that everything began to fall into place, and seemed so much easier to understand. The reasons towards why everyone would always abuse my great heart and take advantage of the great person I am is because I didn’t love myself enough to notice certain people did not deserve that part of me. It wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough for those I deeply loved, it was simply that I was too good to those I loved and they did not know how to appreciate it, and the lose is theirs and not mine. I was so torn when the people I would pour my all into would walk away so ungratefully, as if I did not make an impact in their lives. I would constantly mess up when it came to begging for them to stay, I showed how vulnerable I was and I let many destroy me since they knew my weaknesses. Now I much rather have the person walk away from my life because I know I love myself more than enough to even beg for them to come back, despite how much I love them. But I love myself enough to understand that I did all I could do to keep a person, and if my best was not good enough then it is their lost because no one can take my place.

I am hard to love, especially with having anxiety and constantly overthinking every wrong scenario as possible. Yet just because I am hard to love it does not mean I am unworthy to experience such emotion. I am more that worthy to find love within family and friends and myself, I don’t need to search for the validation of a man when my God made me the way he wanted to create me, and I know his vision is more perfect than any other human being and he made me beautiful because that is how he wanted me to be. When I say I am a unique individual I genuinely am, I give my all towards the people I love and I do the most to make them see how much I appreciate them and love their presence in my life, but sometimes too much is too much. If you continue pouring into others your all, eventually they will abuse from your kindness and confuse it for your weakness. That is not the case, because they know such rare individual does not exist in every corner of the streets, and try to take the most they can from the person. I am a unique individual because it doesn’t take me a couple words to lay in bed with a man, and my knees don’t get weak when someone murmurs something nice in my ears. I am unique because it takes time to get to know me and it takes time to get to understand the reasons I am the way I am. I have different priorities such as getting my major, growing independent and traveling the world, rather than most who enjoy partying every weekend, or try to raise their body counts, and simply do the stupidest things to fit in. I know I am a beautiful human being because I know my heart is the one and only, and who ever has had or has the opportunity to meet me will understand how kind hearted I am, and how much I pour my heart, soul and mind to the things I love and am passionate for. I am ambitious, courages and determined to get to the destination I need to be, and I do not let anything stop me.

Tips and advice…

If a person does not want to be in your life, don’t beg them. Let them walk away, there is a reason why they want to leave. After all, we can’t force love, love comes naturally. You can’t force someone to stay, people come and go.. I learned that the hard way.

Stop blaming yourself for everything. That was a bad habit of mine, I would apologize for every single thing… even if it wasn’t my fault I would apologize and feel guilty. It is not your fault someone left, we may never know the answers towards why certain things happen, no matter how many times we search for an answer its best we move on, guilt free.

Rather than see the worst in yourself, start looking deeper. As human beings we all have unique characteristics that diverse us from others. One quality you have not everyone has, use that quality for good and use it to impact others in life rather than putting yourself down. Trust me, this is something I’ve been working on and it really helps. Use your talent for good, and you will eventually see the great person you truly are.

Cry… As simple yet painful that may sound, it’s okay to have emotions, we can’t hold them and it is okay to let them out. Crying makes everything better, you let go of all the negative holding you back, and once you finish letting every tear out go onto the world ready to conquer it all. Our lives have obstacles, and it is okay to fall behind, as long as you don’t give up.

Learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect and just because we failed, it does not mean it should end there. The world is filled with many new and different opportunities and when we least expect it, greatness shines our way. It is okay to make mistakes, that is what helps us grow, it is what molds us to who we need to be in our future, it helps us succeed.

You are worthy of love… no matter how difficult of a person you may seem. Find love within yourself, and that is the most beautiful kind of love you’ll experience since you will search for what’s best for you.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade