Re: Can I Drink This Delicious Sounding Bleach?

Dear [REDACTED],

Thanks so much for writing Clorox customer service! We love hearing from our customers, and about all of the exciting ways they’re using our products. However, we must urge you not to drink any of our Clorox FlavorMax brand bleach.

We see that you were wondering if the unit you bought, Tangy Ranch FlavorMax Bleach, is potable, and the answer is definitely “no.” As is clearly marked on the package next to the large, black “DANGER,” bleach of all kinds is a corrosive, and would be potentially deadly if ingested.

That goes for all the varieties in our FlavorMax line, including: Backyard BBQ; Chocolate Donut; Coffee Almond; and Spicy Sriracha. None of these bleaches are drinkable in any form, because they are bleach. If you drink bleach, it will immediately corrode the inside of your mouth, your throat, and if it makes it that far before you suffer irreparable damage, your stomach. Drinking bleach could cause nausea, chest pains, delirium, and possibly death. Don’t drink bleach.

Neither should you “use it as a mixer,” as you stated in your letter, which again, we greatly appreciate you sending to us. Even if you “dilute” our Margarita Time! FlavorMax Bleach with tequila and “a dash of lime,” you’d still be drinking bleach which you definitely shouldn’t do under any circumstances.

We also wanted to take a moment to address your confusion over our tagline, “Drink It Up.” If you’ll notice, on the next line it says, “Stains,” and the full tagline is, “Drink It Up, Stains,” which clearly indicates that the stains on your clothing will suck in our powerful, patented Cloromax technology that helps reduce soil adhesion to surfaces and provides a quicker clean. Not that you, the person who bought our Sea Salt Caramel FlavorMax Bleach, should “drink it up.” We’re assuming you’re not a stain!

A little bleach humor for you there.

Regardless, we’ll forward your message on to our graphic design department to see if they can bump the font up a few notches on that second line, it does seem relatively tiny in comparison.

One of the main complaints we’ve gotten at Clorox over the past few years is that our bleach smells terrible. That’s by design because, as mentioned, it’s a corrosive and shouldn’t be touched, let alone ingested. That said, we understand the smell also doesn’t make it the most pleasant thing to use around the house. This is why our research and development department came up with the FlavorMax line, a way of making bleach a fun and easy part of the cleaning process with new, exciting smells that will hopefully help cut away at barriers between our company and potential consumers.

But just because our FlavorMax Bleach is available at stores everywhere in Fresh-Baked Blueberry Muffin, Cheesy Jalapeño Popper and Soothing Earl Grey Tea doesn’t mean they taste like the aforementioned flavors, just that they smell like those flavors. We’re using the second definition of flavor here, by the way, indicating the “essential character of something” not the “taste of a food or drink.” FYI.

To apologize for the trouble (and the 4–6 weeks it takes us to respond to these customer service e-mails, hope you didn’t go ahead without hearing back from us!), we’ve attached a coupon towards your next purchase of our FlavorMax Bleach, as long as you buy it in conjunction with one of the products from our sister brand, Hidden Valley.

And to answer your last question: we don’t make laundry pods, so go to town.

Sincerely,
Clorox