True hope — let’s give it a try…

After a particular dramatic outburst of my son this summer I found myself in the city of Zfat in the North of Israel for the weekend, begging G-d for a solution. He had taken a rock and smashed the front window of my car, the only car I have owned here in Israel since coming on Aliyah from Chicago in 1991. This had happened within minutes when I suggested to him that he get treatment after another incident the day before when he had taken a ladder and attacked my previous husband who at that time was staying in our home.

My son is 24 years old and will turn 25 in another 8 weeks. He came home to live with me and 4 other children at the time in February of 2016. Since he was 15 there has been a history of diffulties with him, drinking, drugs at 18, trance parties, Rainbow festivals with more drugs, flying out to the States and calling me from San Francisco how excited he was that there were lots of mushrooms available here, then ordering DMT on the Internet and manufacturing it for himself, later on living for 4 years on 3 different sheep farms, surviving sort of, but all along hard to get into his world and form a realtionship with him.

That afternoon in Zfat shortly before the Shabbat I came across a site called a Canadian company that provides mineral-vitamin supplements for a variety of mental disorders, such as the bi-polar condition from which I think my son suffers, as before he went on his wild phase he was literally depressed at home, lying a lot in his bed with his face in the pillow. Seing one of their videos I realized that these people were serious and indeed their natural supplements were really helping people. When my ex-husband took him to a psychiatrist this summer after the incident with the smashed car window, he was given a prescription of “Seroquel” (50 mg) and took it once then not again. I can see the Divine providence that we did not continue with the psychiatrist, but now instead will order the first month supply of “EMpower”, TrueHope’s mineral-vitamin supplement for treating bi-polar disorder. Years ago I had heard that shizophrenia among other mental illnesses could be treated with vitamins.

In the meantime my son is staying with us in the home, and I have giving up the idea of having him barred from the home with a court order from the Family Court in Jerusalem — despite the fact that on and off things are disappearing from the home, a calendar he threw away last week, a notebook of mine that went missing, and that he will stop the conversation at the family table saying that he does not want to hear what we are talking about. My chief motivation is to help him and help myself, and his brothers and another friend of mine agreed that simply throwing him to the street at this point would accomplish nothing. I make sure that the critical things in the home are in my bedroom which I keep locked when I leave the home: the title to the home, key personal papers, checkbooks, and my mobile phone and the computer.

Right now he is on the balcony building the Sukkah as tomorrow evening it is the festival of Sukkot for Jews in Israel and across the world. He survived the worst, such as the time in 2014 when he went hitch-hiking with 2 Beduins at 4 a.m. in the area around Hebron and they demanded money from him for the ride. He in turn insisted that it was a free ride and that he was not going to pay. They dropped him off at a bus station at dawn to return half an hour later with a meter long dagger/sword and threatened him with that. He had to hand over 50 Shekels, his Israeli ID and his sister’s backbag. The next morning he showed up in his father’s Kollel (Torah study institution) in Gilo, Jerusalem, this was his wake-up call to return to Torah and to doing HaShem’s will rather than his own. “I looked death in the eye”, he reported. My knees were faint when his father told me, but since I felt that I had long ago lost control over my first-born child (at 16 he bust the lock I had put on my study so he would not have access to the Internet, to watch an explicit movie) and I would spend the next few years trying to love him as best as I could, from a distance.

Now he gets up every day for his prayers, participates in Torah lectures here in our local community, and provides 120 Shekel each week towards the household and also to repay the damage to the car window which cost me altogether 1800 Shekel. Every few weeks he is in a communicative mood and we will have a talk, or better he will talk and I will listen about what is important to him: order and cleanliness in the home, more Kedusha, and for me not to waste money. I am excited about ordering the True Hope “Empower” Supplement and pray that it will make the different in his life that will allow him to realize his long-term goals: to obtain a driver’s liscence, to gain weight (he weighs 40 kilos at this point and eats very little), and to realize his big dream of obtaining a piece of land here in Israel where he can start his own farm. Possibly he can join an already existing rural community in the Galilee or on the Golan Heights later on in 2017. And most importantly if he gets better in his mind, then he will be able to meet a good young woman and join together with her to build a home that will be filled with HaShem’s blessings. He is bright and talented and with the help of a proper supplement he will also then be able to acquire a proper profession that will provide for him and his future family. I am so grateful that my son is home with us and that things are looking up. Now I am going to make the call to the people at True Hope.