Being an Adult

Azka NA
Azka NA
Jul 20, 2017 · 3 min read

I’m not sure when I will be a fully functioning adult. It’s not that I’m malfunctioning now (lol), it’s just that I still feel both like a child and an adult at the same time. We do have an inner child, but real adult knows when to act like one. There are several things that made me feel like “I’m an adult!?” (in a proud and sometimes confused tone haha)

  1. Going to a hospital alone

This is the most trivial one, but for a kid who never knew the procedure to pay the tuition because it had always been taken care of by her dad this is not a small matter. I first started to go alone in my last semester in university. I think being an adult is being able to take care of yourself.

2. Getting asked about school and future by my younger siblings

Recently my sister who has just finished middle school told me her worry. While talk about “social vs science class” is no more relevant to us, it’s still causing dilemma among high school freshman. It’s the same thing as when a university freshman asks about “taking the wrong major” to his already graduated senior. I’ve always heard a saying that says we should seek advice from older people because they usually have more life experiences. I didn’t understand it before, “How do more experiences make older people wiser? What kind of experience I should go through to be a wise adult?” Now that I’m reliable enough as a sister, I’m ‘the adult’ my sister seeks advice from. We had a deep conversation about dreams and purpose in life. It reminded me of my dream when I was in high school (having a bakery and chocolate factory, how innocent!) and how did it change to the one I’m working on now. Being an adult is being wise without stopping learning.

3. Making (somewhat) big life decisions

It’s reaaally hard to realize that I’m the one who’ll live my life which means I’m the one who’s responsible to decide what I should do when things don’t go as planned. I learnt about this the hard way last year. It wasn’t until a friend asked about my plan until the following year that I realized I simply didn’t have any plan B. I simply waited for my plan A to be executed somehow, only God knows how. I thought to myself that it wasn’t my intention, it wasn’t in my control that the plan didn’t worked. I worked hard to achieve that but I didn’t want to admit that it failed and I needed to find another path. It was indeed a hard time for me before I finally moved to plan B.

When my plan B didn’t really work out, I was trying to be calm by taking a break and searching for some refreshment, but what I did was merely avoiding the problem. I was required to give my final decision as soon as possible, but I was hopeless and clueless. “How can I give my answer in this state?”, was my excuse.

Aaaaand now an even more complex situation has arisen and I’m required to make a decision again (cries in Korean). It’s a good thing that I have seniors who help me confront my problem. It’s surely uncomfortable to have a serious talk, moreover when things are uncertain.

4. Talking to my parents about my plan for marriage

My family isn’t like the sweet family you usually see on the commercial. I rarely, or rather never, spilled the tea on my current crush or whatsoever to my mom even though she begged for one. So when I finally told my mom that I had plan to marry in the near future I couldn’t believe myself haha. I have her blessing, though.

I still have many shortcomings as an adult. Like when the shocking news about my current lab broke out I was getting reactive. I tried to suppress my emotion but my seniors somehow noticed because I kept avoiding the office, ha…. That afternoon one of them came to the lab and talked out the problem and so did the other senior today. And today I’ve just found a post-it left by a senior to cheer me up. I was clearly acting like a child and I was embarrassed. It’s not only me who will be affected by this shocking news, in fact they have more reasons to be upset about this but they didn’t let it show. I guess I still have many many many many things to learn to be an adult.

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Azka NA

Written by

Azka NA

the world is not a place but a vastness of the soul -Amy Tan

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