THE ART OF NEGOTIATION: How To Win Any Negotiation Like A Boss

7 min readFeb 14, 2017

Negotiation is an important part of life. Every day we are involved in negotiation, it can be in work, business or relationship.

BUT WHAT IS NEGOTIATION?

Negotiation is when two party get involved in a discussion, each with they own objective to get something.

Here is the deal: when someone talks to you, it means they want something from you. PERIOD.

SO, HOW TO WIN IN ANY NEGOTIATION?

There are a lot of technique that can be used, each with its own advantage and disadvantage. Not everything will work for you. You have to practice and pick the ones that suits with your style. Here, I share a few techniques that I used that had help me in many negotiations.

1. ALWAYS START WITH THE END IN MIND

Before you enter any negotiation, ALWAYS START WITH THE END IN MIND. What do you want from the end of the negotiation? Write it down on a piece of paper.

There are 4 outcomes of any negotiation:

Win-Win: You get what you want, your counterpart also get what you want
Win-Loss: You get what you want, your counterpart don’t get what you want
Loss-Win: You don’t get what you want, your counterpart get what they want
Loss-Loss: Both party didn’t get what they want

Always aim for the Win-Win outcome.

2. KNOW THE OTHER PERSON YOU NEGOTIATING WITH

Research, research, research. Do a background check about the person you about to meet.

What is his/her work experience?
What is his/her position?
Where is his/her office?
What is his/her age?

These are some of the basic information you should search. Most of it you can find online through Facebook, LinkedIn or their company website.

This initial research will give you an idea of the personality of the person you’re going to deal with. With this information, you can capitalize on your strength and the other person’s weakness. But don’t fall into analysis paralysis.

3. ASK THE RIGHT QUESTION

There are two type of questions:

Open ended question
Yes/No Question

Each questions serves different purposes. If you look closely, the other person have only 3 type of answers, no matter how many questions you asked. It’s either YES which means they agree with you, NO which means they disagree with you or an open ended answer.

You can use this to your advantage. For example, when you want the other person to agree with you, ask questions that the answer will always be YES. This technique is called the YES TRAP. Ask these questions for 3 times consecutively. When someone answers YES, YES, YES subconsciously you have influence them to agree with what you say.

4. ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES

What I noticed a lot when negotiating is, most people try to talk a lot then the other person. They are trying to control the conversation by not letting the other person to talk. This is actually ineffective.

People love to talk about themselves. Let them talk. Ask questions or talk about topics that the other person will enjoy answering such as their accomplishments. They will reveal the information you required without themselves noticing it.

How am I going to know what they love? Refer to point 1.

5. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN

Be an attentive listener. When the other person is talking, listen carefully. Show that you are interested.

But I’m not interested with the topic he/she is talking?”

You have to fake it. You have to show that you are really interested.

How to show that I’m interested?

Use your body language. One of the technique is to lean forward to the person talking. This shows that you want to hear more from them. The other technique I always used is the Triple Nod. It’s very simple, you just nod three times when they are talking. It shows that you agree with what they are talking.

He/she will feel more comfortable with you, when you are interested with the topic. When they are comfortable with you, there is a higher chance that they will agree with your request.

6. USE LEVERAGE

What is leverage?

Leverage is something you HAVE that the other person WANTS from you. The right leverage applied at the right time can unlock opportunities in a negotiation.

There are 2 types of leverage:

Real Leverage: something that you REALLY have
Imaginary Leverage: something that you DON’T HAVE but looks like you have it.

How to use Real Leverage?

Real leverage is easy to use. Just show it to them what they want. Then, negotiate.

How to use Imaginary Leverage?

To use the imaginary leverage needs CONFIDENCE. You have to FAKE IT LIKE YOU HAVE IT. When seeking leverage, a statement said with CONFIDENCE can be more BELIEVABLE even if it’s false then a TRUTHFUL statement stated with DOUBT. A lot of successful entrepreneurs used this skill such as Richard Branson. I’m not telling you to lie. I’m telling you to fake it till you make it.

7. YOUR VOICE IS YOUR WEAPON

What I mean with your voice is your INTONATION. It’s not about what you say, it’s about how you say it.

A very important statement said using a flat intonation is boring. It’s like a university lecture. People fall asleep when they hear it. Whereas an unimportant statement said using an enthusiastic intonation can be very interesting.

Try to vary your intonation during negotiation. When I’m negotiating, I will use an enthusiastic but soft tone voice. It is friendlier and create rapport faster with your audience. When I want to stress something important, I pause for a few second after I say it. It gives the other person time to digest it. Or I will talk from a high intonation to a low intonation then pause. Why? So, they will lean forward to listen closely to what I’m saying.

8. KNOW WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WANT FROM YOU

This is very important. If you know what the other person wants, you can use it as a leverage to move forward.

How do I know what the other persons want?

By asking the right questions and encourage them talk about themselves. Refer point 3 and 4.

9. USE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE

“It’s not about what you say, it’s about how you say it.”

There are a lot of body language skills you can learned and this post is not enough for me to teach you everything. Use these 3 simple techniques:

Handshake

There are 3 basic type of handshake:

The Upper-Hand

Used to show dominance or superiority
This handshake will send a subconscious message to the other person that says “He is trying to dominate me. I’d better be cautious.”
I never used this handshake.

Palm Up

Used to show submission
This handshake will send a subconscious message to the other person that says “I can dominate this person. He’ll do what I want.”
This is the opposite of the Upper-Hand.
I use this most of the time. Why? I want to deceive them in believing that they are in charge of the situation. This will make them become less defensive.

Equality

Used to show equality and mutual respect
This handshake will send a subconscious message to the other person that says “I feel comfortable with this person”
This is my second favorite handshake after the Palm-Up.

Use these handshakes wisely. It can break or closed the negotiation before it started.

Lean forward

Lean forward to the other person. This shows that you are interested to what they are saying even though you are not.

Eye contact

Maintain an eye contact with the other person. This may seem simple but not many people are using it. Again, eye contact shows that you are interested to the other person.

10. KNOW YOUR WORTH

Last but not least, you need to know how much you’re worth. Don’t negotiate for a deal that is less than what your worth. If the deal is secured, you will feel that you we’re taken advantage by the other side. You will be demotivated to carry on the deal and this will negatively affect your long term relationship with your client and also in the whole industry.

These are some of techniques I used during negotiation. You can use it in business, work or relationship. It is universal. But use it wisely. These skills can be used to manipulate people to do the wrong things. You may not closed the deal in one session. Usually, it will take 2–3 sessions especially when the size of the deal is big. You can read my post for 10x but if you don’t practice, it’s useless. So, get out from your house and practice this skill in a real environment.

Thank you for reading and hitting the ♥ if you enjoyed this article. This will motivate me to keep writing.

Originally published at kingazlan.com on February 14, 2017.