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Valentine’s Day is NOT a Reset Button

A few years ago, I was dating a girl who, for the sake of this post, we will call Emma. While we were seeing each other, I would always be excited to spend Valentine’s day with her. That being said, the problem was that I would be excited for all of the wrong reasons.

Let me explain.

Many people that I know look forward to February 14th because they want to spend quality time with their significant other. In other words, they view Valentine’s day as a chance to have fun, be romantic, and deepen their love & affection for each other. Unfortunately, this was not the case for me.

When I was dating Emma, I saw Valentine’s day as an opportunity to save our relationship.

You see, even though Emma and I dated for a long time, our relationship was rocky, at best. We had many disagreements about a variety of different things, and we’d often find ourselves feeling unhappy. Because of this, I used to think that it would be a good idea to use Valentine’s day as a “reset button”. In other words, I was under the misconception that all of the issues in our relationship would go away by themselves if we had a great time on Valentine’s day. As you can probably guess, this never happened. Instead, having a good Valentine’s day would do nothing more than put our problems on pause and suppress them temporarily. It never made them magically disappear.

Emma and I are no longer seeing each other, which is probably for the better. In my opinion, we’ll be able to lead happier lives apart than we could have together. That being said, I still learned a lot by going out with her. One of the things that I learned is that Valentine’s day isn’t a “magic wand” or a “reset button” that instantly makes all of the issues in your relationship go away. As a matter of fact, after going out with Emma, I’ve come to realize that there actually aren’t any easy ways to make relationship problems disappear. In my opinion, the only way to solve relationship problems is to have an open conversation about them as soon as they come up. Avoiding them and hoping they’ll go way by themselves will only make things worse.

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