Why are you so happy?

As a child, I could never imagine the life I would lead. What I would do to pay bills, the kind of struggles I would face, the kind of material items I would possess. As an adult, I long for the innocence of not knowing. The lack of things on my mind. I wish I could flip a switch to turn off my thoughts. When I come across those who are still hopeful and positive, I wonder what they had to do, what drugs they had to of taken to succeed in such bliss. I want it. I want the happiness of not having to constantly grind. I want to be able to go to the grocery store, or take a drive, without cussing out every passing stranger in my mind. It’s hard to work in customer service, while fighting back the hurtful words that so eagerly want to slip through my lips. My boyfriend constantly irritates me by telling me who I am. That I’m not the person to stand up for myself, or anyone else. I’m just some piece of shit that’s petty and difficult. That hides behind passive aggressive actions. What I would do to turn back time, to be that little girl again, who never cared what anyone else thought. I hate needing to control every little thing in my life, and despising everything I can’t.

I would love some insight on how to achieve a more positive outlook.

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