How to Fall out of Love with Anybody (10 Simple Steps)
Rezzan Hussey

Time heals all wounds. The piece hinges on one’s definition of “in love”, which is woefully misinterpreted by many and over-romanticized by culture. Real love is a choice you make again and again; daily. You are absolutely correct about that. Falling in and out of love too often, rather than focusing on the less thrilling but more satisfying road of true partnership and lasting commitment makes a person jaded, selfish, and prone to the harmful effects of an immediate gratification matrix in their lives; it cheapens the true value of hard work, patience, and persistence. Unfortunately, each person is completely autonomous in the choices they make, and the relationship is always controlled paradoxically by the one who cares less, not necessarily the virtuous. There are lots of fish in the sea (I get it), and lots of people with whom you might have a good and lasting relationship. But the area under the curve shrinks dramatically when you factor in connectedness on many levels, especially intellectual and sexual, as well as trustworthiness, true empathy, and the golden rule: love your neighbor as yourself. The conclusion to me is simple: it’s easy to ‘fall’ out of love, especially since time keeps moving on. It’s more difficult to choose love on a daily basis, in addition to choose not to love when you’ve experienced a true connection that goes beyond what you thought was possible. I know this comment must sound somewhat like a denial self-protect mechanism. I’ve fallen out of love many times as well, typically the last of the two to do so, but all that is needed is time (not lists). However, the prevalence of instant gratification, selfishness and self-centeredness, pornography, and promiscuity in today’s culture make it far to easy to settle for the ephemeral ‘in love’ opiate high with too many partners, ultimately causing emotional numbing and an emptiness/unhappiness/longing that you can’t quite explain. For so many people, a healthy relationship with a connected partner is the cornerstone of their true happiness, bleeding over significantly into nearly all facets of their existence. Yes, it is work. But the benefits outweigh the costs, and it is one of the few times in life that the ends justify the means.