The Powerful Gift of Coaching
I was being super productive recently on Facebook and I saw a thought by a connection of mine about business coaching and how most business coaches have never had a successful business.
I don’t know specifically how true that is, I have never looked into it, but I am sure there is truth to that statement given the failure rate of business ventures in general.
What I found most interesting were the comments that were posted in response to this statement. Most of the comments were negative in some way and some people (coaches) got their feelings hurt and went on the defense.
Some of the negative comment highlights (my favs):
“You can’t help someone else do something you have never done.” What’s interesting about this is that it’s simply not true. If you put just a little bit of effort into examining this statement, you will find a lot of examples where someone assisted someone’s else’s achievement to get somewhere they had never been.
“They are a dime a dozen” I read this as coaches are worthless. There is truth in this statement. It’s also true that the way a client shows up in a relationship can dictate how valuable this relationship truly is. A unsuccessful relationship is a two way street.
“Those that can’t do, teach.” Maybe. I have always found this statement to be incredibly derogatory towards the people who work in this field. Teachers have been some of the most influential people in my life.
“If you have not done more business than me, you can’t coach me.” Where do you draw this line? High performers are typically the ones that invest in coaching the most. Using this line of thinking, high performers wouldn’t participate in coaching because there is no one “good enough” to coach them.
There is a Difference between Coaching and Consulting
The biggest challenge with coaching is that most people don’t know how to differentiate between coaching and consulting. There is a difference. I want to help make the distinction between the two so that if you are ever looking for support in your business, or your life, you know who it is that you want to hire.
I am going to get into what a coach is here in a minute. First, let me tell you what a coach is not: a teacher, therapist, consultant or mentor. You could use coaching in any of these disciplines but a coach does not wear these other hats.
When it comes to consultants in particular, a consultant is a subject matter expert that can help you to solve problems and create systems in the area you are being consulted in. They tell people what to do and in some cases how to do it. There are areas that I consult a client because I am a subject matter expert. In most cases, I try and steer clear of advice giving whenever I can because I find the results are more powerful when the client discovers something for themselves.
In coaching, people put the label “life” or “business” in front of the word coach but these distinctions aren’t exactly necessary. People mainly use these more for marketing purposes. I don’t put a lot of stock in these labels but I know a lot of people do and this creates some negative connotations as well.
A Couple of Issues that Coaches Run Into:
Many people who work in the development space fail to use the proper distinction when talking about what they do. In fact, it’s extremely common for a person to label themselves a coach when in fact they are a consultant.
In addition to poor labeling, ego gets in the way of great coaching. As a coach, I am not the hero of your journey, you are. I am merely a guide who helps to illuminate the path. You do all the heavy lifting. When ego gets in the way, the coach tries to be the star and desires to show people how brilliant they are. All coaches struggle with this from time to time and at varying degrees so I’m not trying to place myself above these people.
How I Got into Coaching:
My history with coaching started in 2002ish. I had been promoted to my first management job with Wells Fargo and had been in the role for about a year. I was doing a terrible job. Bad results. Poor morale. My response to why this was happening was that it was the team’s fault and I just needed some better people. My boss wasn’t going to fire the entire team and it became obvious that if anyone was going to get fired, it was going to be me.
My boss offered for me to take a couple of days off and go to a coach training. I had never done anything like this before and it changed my life. The things that I changed as a result of that training changed my career and the performance of my team. Not because my team changed but because I did.
What a Great Coach Does
If you have an aversion to coaching, I am not here to convert you. The worst thing a coach can do is convince or sell someone into coaching. There are coaches that do this and the results are mixed at best.
If you are thinking about hiring a coach, here are some things that make a coach great and will help you take that next step.
1. Gives insight into your world. I see from a different dimension than you do. Not because I’m better than you but because I am different. I see things about you that you don’t see. It’s hard to read the label when you are inside the bottle. We all have blind spots. This is the big difference from consulting. Hiring a consultant means you think you know the problem and therefore you are hiring someone to fix that problem. Sometimes you’re right and sometimes your dead wrong. Coaching assumes nothing and allows for a solution to emerge through conversation.
2. Describes through holding up a “mirror” which allows you to discover the best solution for yourself. Your greatest ideas and solutions exist inside of you for the right person to bring those out. Great coaches don’t tell you what to do. Telling people what to do is for consultants. When I started using coaching as a manager, I stopped being the smartest person in the room and allowed my team’s greatness to come out.
3. Holds space for you to discover what there is to see in a situation and doesn’t come across as having to know the answers. Listening is key. Coaches listen to the content of a client’s words. In addition to that, a coach will also pay attention to how words are presented and what the client’s body language is as well. I had a client once who started calling saying that they had their best month ever but before they uttered the words, they let out a big sigh. If I had just listened to their words, I would have given them a verbal pat on the back. Listening to how they delivered the words let me see that there was something else going. That something else was stress which led to a powerful conversation about that stress.
4. Challenges your thinking. You’re a smart person who sees the world a certain way and sometimes only in that way. A great coach will help you see even further. In addition to that, a coach will call you on things and be a stand for your greatness. Instead of telling you what you want to hear, you will get what you need to hear.
5. Sees and honors the person they are coaching in every dimension. Judgement doesn’t belong in a powerful coaching conversation. A great coach empowers, they don’t look at people as broken and incomplete. I see your wholeness and help you to see it as well.
Coaching is a Gift:
Of course, I am biased but I feel like coaching is an absolute gift to the world. There are very few people who will truly tell you what you want to hear and be a stand for your greatness. You and I need that. There are plenty of people out there who will tell you what you are not, that an idea won’t work, criticize who you are, etc. There’s plenty of “no, you can’t” in this world. You need someone who sees your greatness and helps you see it so that you can take your next powerful step in this world. That is the essence of great coaching.
