How Becoming More Vulnerable Can Change Your Life

Sometime in the not too distant past, a good friend suggested I meet a friend of his — a girl. Setting me up was not his goal. He was hoping her and I had shared experiences and would enjoy each others company over a cup of coffee.

I went for it. I trust my friend and knew he had my best interest at heart. She and I met up a couple of weeks later.

The conversation went just as my friend had promised. For a couple of hours, we shared about life and what God had been doing in each of our lives. She was warm, very inviting, and at the end I was grateful we could get together.

It was a good conversation. But, there are always two perspectives to every conversation.

I sat down with my friend a couple of weeks later to share how it went.

As it turns out, she too, enjoyed the conversation. She described it nearly the same as I did — except for one thing. There was something missing that she was somehow able to discern.

This “something” would soon change my life. What was missing that I couldn’t see?


I was closed off and guarded.

My friend had permission to share her observation of me and I am forever grateful for her willingness to give it. I’ve since thanked her.

I began to weep as I sat across from my friend. Ugh. I had never wanted to live this way, but somehow I had ended up there.

This became a moment of surrender for me — the piece keeping loneliness shackled to my heart for years and years.

That conversation changed everything for me. It took 32 years to get there.

Vulnerability has changed everything

It has also wrecked me in the best ways possible. Almost every step, move, and direction God has placed me on this journey has come back to that conversation with that powerful word.

It has begun making me into the man God is calling me to be.

When you can learn to become vulnerable — to let people into the deepest recesses of your soul, it will affect every area of your life. It will not make you weaker — or even to appear weaker. It will only make you stronger.

As I moved past that conversation and into my relationships, I decided to take risks, knowing that loneliness wasn’t cutting it any longer. I was through with it.

When you let vulnerability in…

You will thrive.

You may fail along the way. You may fall flat on your face. But, over the course of time, you will gain courage. You will learn to dare greatly in the arena of life because you will find every risk worth it.

You’ll find true and authentic community.

I found that my relationships began to flourish in ways that I can hardly describe. I decided to take one step out of fear and one step into the life God has for me — a life of open, raw and honest relationships.

When you keep vulnerability out…

You will get stuck.

You probably already are. Becoming guarded and not letting people in is a path leading to nowhere. I know the path because I was on it.

Your relationships suffering is just the beginning. Bitterness sank into my soul. I don’t want that for you. Please, choose the other path.

Here is what you need to know moving forward…

Vulnerability will drive you into healthy, thriving community.

We cannot do this life alone. Jesus is calling us to a healthy community. It begins with becoming vulnerable. You don’t have to spill your heart to everyone, but you need to open your heart to some.

This will drive you into a healthy and thriving community. You will not be alone — you will be found to be in great company. Life will become more tolerable. It won’t always come easy, but with people by your side, you will learn to love life again.

The next time you find yourself having coffee with a good friend, open up. Let your guard down.

I promise you, it’s a journey worth taking.

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