8 Things Every Person Should Do Before 8 A.M.
Benjamin P. Hardy

I got eight that are even better.

  1. Hit the snooze then scratch your balls. Studies have shown that men who scratch their balls in the morning tend to be successful compared to those who only rub
  2. Hit snooze again and then scratch your ass. Studies have shown that people who scratch their ass before they get out of bed are more effective in life.
  3. Hit snooze one more time and scratch your partner/dogs/cats ass because this is just fun.
  4. Put your pants on one leg at a time. Studies have shown that people who put their pants on one leg at a time are more focused in their day.
  5. Stroke your balls. Men who are gently stroke their balls in the morning tend to be more understanding and empathetic during the day.
  6. Scream at the kids to get out of bed because jolting them out of a sound sleep is the most sure way to make them alert for the coming school day.
  7. Suck down a cup of coffee as quickly as possible to because the 1st degree burn in your mouth and throat will help keep you from eating too much.
  8. Eat a greasy breakfast sandwich because that and the coffee will help you shit and therefore ease your stress for the day.
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