Waterbirth
K.E. Kimball
173

Hi K.E. Kimball,

Here’s my two cents, from a non-expert point of view. :)

I really like what you did here. After trying to do my own, I found it very hard to transition one imagery to another and I think that you did great.

I felt the feeling of being brought from under the water, through the capillaries of the rose, into a chicken and being spat out into land. Whether this is your intention or not, I’m not sure.

I noticed the double “the”, but others have touched on it. Also the repetition of from, I know Patrick’s touched it. However I read the poem with a voice in my head and maybe I preferred if you took off only the last ‘from’. Making it ‘I am from the river, from the sea, the inside of..’. Perhaps just a personal preference.

I think ‘someone else’ could be something more concrete to solidify the image that I had in my head. By concrete I meant like ‘Medusa’, or could still be something generic like ‘the alligator’ but which evoke some reaction out of me, good or bad.