Please, don’t guess. Do the research. The numbers i’ve read do not corroborate this in any way. Where it comes to victims of sexual(-ized) violence the percent young boy and young girl who experience it starts to come closer to being equal ins some studies, but really it is about women and girls first, then about non-men (ie. children, and people seen by culture as not entirely “worthy” of being called “a man”) and then way behind them in the statistic, grown men, often in stress or combat situations (very common in this last context is sexual(-ized) violence against adversaries in war, which to me speaks to the nature of, and motivation for rape etc. — but that is a different topic).
As to shame. Yes, you may have a sense of moral conflict, and that is a “normal” psychological reaction to exhibiting behavior you have learned is deemed unacceptable by your peers. This does not mean women or any of us other non-men are “shaming” you, but that you feel ashamed. If in this case your reaction is not remorse but the impulse to be more violent still, then that is something worth going over in your mind if you would like to. I doubt that the solution is to be found in others being less frank about the behavior they perceive.
I like that you see yourself in a field of tension regarding gender, sex, and power. I share your view that this field of tension is strong and manifold. I also understand how someone could feel indignation over a sense of shame, i am German. Since 1945 we've done a lot of talking here about how best to navigate the victim / perpetrator dialog. To this day that is not an easy matter. What does not work well however, is showing toward representatives of the victims the natural impulse to be defensive. That is best dealt with in quiet self-reflection and with those who may share this explainable, albeit non-constructive defensiveness.